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Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts

Friday, June 29, 2012

Playing Outside

Their mom is trying to clean the house right now and to be better organized, so the kids are staying outside more.  When I nanny, I love to play outside and let the 14 month old run around with his two siblings in the dirt.  The older siblings are very computer savvy and play Minecraft, Wizard101 and tons of youtube videos.


I remember when I was a child I spend almost every moment outside to escape to my own worlds separate from the abuse I was experiencing.  I made roller coasters our of holes and a wagon, climbed towers to fight monsters, imagined kingdoms, sat in the tall backyard grass watching the bugs crawl all around me.  I didn't have safe play structures, but tons of imagination brimming out onto the surrounding earth; creating a world of creative wonder.


Seeing this now in the children I nanny makes me want to play, create and imagine all over again.  I color with the chalk, build towers out of sand, act like crazy restaurant patrons all for the sake of play.


There is a certain magick in childlike play, it draws you down to an innocence lost underneath the realities of life like bills, school, cleaning your house, all these things wash away play.


My childhood was happy for a part, but my happiness was shaky because my mother would use my emotions to further her own insane agenda.  What was her agenda?  Who knows, I think she was just in so much pain she doesn't even know why she was angry.  There was always a cost for our happiness and it was not a fair childhood.


It is so important for children to play outside in the sunshine and develop a sensory for the earth around them.  I even play video games sometimes, but I much rather be sitting outside under the sunlight watering my plants.


This is why I like to play outside with the children, I'm redoing my childhood.  I know I can never deny what happened to me, even though my mother will, but I can choose to heal it.


What activities do you do with your children outside?


Thursday, June 21, 2012

Hoarding Parents

I am not a parent, but I did grow up with two parents and I nanny for a living at the moment.  I understand there is no such thing as a perfect parent, however, sometimes the parents I work for can be self destructive.


I grew up with a physically and verbally abusive mother and an emotionally absent father.  To go even further my mother is a hoarder and the only reason why she hasn't been featured on TLC for a clean up is because my two sisters and me kept throwing things out.


Right now I'm nanny for 3 children and they live in a very messy house.  The mom came from a hoarder family and the father grew up very poor because his family immigrated from South Korea.  Now they have very well paying techie jobs and emotional trauma from each of their childhoods.


Sadly, I think the mom is just overwhelmed with 3 children, her demanding job and a constantly messy house.  However, her attitude doesn't help with solving the obvious physical problems with her house.  Honestly I think the parents need professional help to deal with their emotional issues.


One example of the hoarding tendencies is how the mom insists on keeping all the baby wipe dispensers.  I recycled two and she found them, of course, and told me to check with her before I recycle anything else.


Great idea, but we don't need 7
This one incident alone makes me feel like I'm back in my mother's house.  I felt like she didn't really want to solve her problem, but just look like she is, just enough to keep people from confronting her.  I'm going to try and talk to her about it, by asking if she wants the kids to take a more active part in cleaning and have me oversee.


Another issue I've noticed is her anger towards her children.  The second day I was there she tells her children after a stressed out rant about the state of the house and how the kids do not help,  I'm bored when I go to the park, I rather be with my friends at the mall shopping.  Do you think the mall is fun for you?  


I felt the kids being emotionally manipulated by mom over her mess; she let it go, she keeps things in the house, she is now overwhelmed and blames the kids.   It makes me a little angry and I think I need to sit down and speak to her about more structure for her and the kids sake.


I'm sorry but a freedom parenting style does not work for parents emotionally disturbed or for a house already falling apart.


What do you think?

Friday, October 2, 2009

Life Sucks, Then You Recover Over TIme

My mother is dying of kidney failure caused by her lack of control of her diabetes. I myself am a diabetic and it has been absolutely devastating having to suffer through her karma.

I say karma because she tried to control everything and everybody around her through abuse and aggression. Now she has absolutely no control over her health and life.

I really do not know what to do, I'm still angry at her and I feel it's very dangerous to do any magick when in this depressing state.

Currently I'm reading a self-help book, called Toxic Parents and it's been very painful to relapse through horrible memories from my lack of childhood.

This is why I haven't posted, I'm very stressed out and haven't had time to write anything profound or magickal.

Thanks for reading,
Blessed Be.