Ants and Futuristic Wars: Dreams

Over the last two nights I remember strange dreams. The first night I can only remember about how a colony of ants were living in my new bed, but the location was my family home, not the apartment I'm living at. I remember me freaking out over the ants then I woke up.

Last night was a little more extensive. I was at a resort, very futuristic, it was like a indoor ski resort/spa. I seemed to be apart of a rebel group of sorts and there was this pink liquid that we threw like bombs. I don't remember what the bomb did, but it stopped working for some reason. I also remember being stuck in a mall like walkway system and loading up a gameboy color to play FF7. I was loading the game so I could escape into it and become Cloud (a female version), I don't think I was able to do this, because I woke up.

Yes, very strange dreams again.

I think it has something to do with how I'm scared about how my boyfriend's parents may ask the "When are you two going to get married?" question. This question terrifies me and I think I'm avoiding it subconsciously, even thought my boyfriend has told me his parents are very lax, I have a feeling they want to know WTF I'm doing with him.

Marriage? Not now. Kids? Medically speaking, not ever, maybe adoption. I don't need a ring for him to prove how much he loves me, he shows it by being kind, gentle, patient and supportive. Tying the knot scares me because I've only seen FAIL, sorry mom and dad but you're not the best example to a happy long marriage.

Sure they are still married but my mom is a medical train wreak because of her diabetes, my father is super stressed because my mom is a angry bitch and financial issues. It's not like any parents are perfect, but damn they are emotionally fucked up.

I think I just need to talk to my man about my feelings, because obviously my brain doesn't know how to shut up!

Blessed Be
Shadow Moon

Poem: Deep and Missing Pie

This poem came to me while I was meditating last night. I was focusing my energy into finding my missing cat Pie. I think it might be about how I'm pulling away from life outside of finding Pie and how my soul feels empty without him in my life. He is just so dear to me, he literally was almost born on my head.

I'm hoping my water scrying was accurate and maybe he will be coming back soon. But who really knows, I might be wrong and maybe it was a message for me to realize he has moved on.


My soul is a cave
dark, quiet,
sunlight is unknown

Like water,
everything is still
ebbing away at the walls
dripping down solid cones

There is life here,
blind, surviving
on the black quiet

Light will come
through the cracks
slowly creeping
its cautious beams

But everything is blind,
stiff and cold,
barley living in
the pitch

Digging deeper
into the earth
my breath will hide

Fearing the suns rays
raging above
my thick skin

Surviving
in the deep.

Wedding Dream

I've never dreamed of my wedding before, so this was a very strange dream for me to have and remember.

Lately I have not been happy with my fiance of 2 years because I do not think we are meant for each other, we're just too scared to look for anyone else.

In the dream, everything went wrong, mainly on the dress. It was stained, ripped, torn, to the point where I had to cover it up wit a shawl. But I was happy and my future husband held me so gently it was lovely.

He also looked nothing like my current fiance, dark hair, brown eyes, completely handsome. I was also skinny.

I personally believe it was a sign that there is someone better out there for me and despite disaster, it will all work out. It's so hard to move on from a long lasting relationship, we have been together for over ten years, it feels more like a divorce. Of course there is nothing horribly wrong wit the relationship, but I'm not happy and I deserve better, so I need to let go, focus on myself and maybe find someone on the way.

Invading Dream

I had a nightmare about Neo-Nazis coming into my house and taking over. They had Uzis, combat boots. My parents were out of the house and for some reason my co-worker Ande was there.

I tried to fight them, but that didn’t work, there were about fifty of them yelling, screaming, ready to set up a ritualistic fire in the back yard. Funny enough they didn’t take away our cell phones or computers, but they did cut the lines and set up an anti-cell signal.

I did finally escape and I was able to call the police, but I kept dialing the wrong number. Finally I escaped with some clothes up to my sister’s house. After I must have astro-projected back to the house to get some more things, then I was picked up by the police.

It was a scary dream, but usually I remember them if they are important. Perhaps it’s to warn be to protect myself from outside influences or even to remind me that I do have the power to astro-project. I think everyone does have the power because we all dream and visit different places.

I really didn’t like the place I visited last night, but I hope I can learn from it.