Lost in Religion

Am I slowly becoming an Atheist?

I have done so much research into so many religions, and still need to do more of course, and thought I found Wicca to be mine, but it's not really.  I hardly follow any of the holidays of esbats and my alter is in complete shambles.

Perhaps it is from pure laziness, but I think structured religion of any sort isn't for me.  I can feel the spirituality of the earth and plants, but I feel like I waste too much energy trying to connect.  I rather focus on my art and make it my religious experience.

by Purnima Koli

With this lack of motivation in keeping a traditional Wiccan calendar I think I need to stop wasting my energy looking for spirituality and just let it happen naturally though my art.  This could be a newfound magick for me, perhaps I just need to stop neglecting it.

I know there are witches out there who have no religious connection, perhaps this is the path for me, considering there is nothing invalid about perusing your art and making a soulful connection to the world, I find a special solace rather than panic in evolving my perspective on the many paths people take spiritually.

Honestly, the words, the practice, the calendar never sat well with me, but I tried and explored, however I feel hallow when I shallowly try and have decided to let my heart take me where I should be.

I will not stop posting, but the journey has changed.

Busy Painting My Life On Etsy

Hi everyone, I know I haven't written in this blog in a while but here is why:

Alice looking at a cardboard tree.

Zombies Don't Eat Cows, will be shown in October at Great Bear Coffee in Los Gatos.

Rainbow City, avaliable on Etsy.

A present for my niece's birthday

Custom order for a friend.

I've done all of these paintings in the last few weeks.  I also opened an Etsy store, ADD Anonymous, and been working away on more paintings and sales.

I'm just so inspired and finally happy that I can't stop, however, I think I shouldn't ignore my audience, so I will be posting about my art here, as well as on my other blog.

My art is apart of my religious path and I'm just so happy I found a creative outlet.

Blessed be!

New Store On Etsy

I just opened up a shop on Etsy called ADD Anonymous, I don't know how much Pagan related items I will put on there, however, I'm really excited and open to any advice.

One question is gnawing on my brain; is it worth it to create a shop related blog?

I have so many blogs under my true name, but I always fall out.  This is actually my most consistent blog if you can believe that!

Two items are in the shop now and more will be on the way.  I'm going to create more and hope for the best.

If you are already on Etsy, drop me a line and favorite me, I will do the same because who doesn't need some positive karma.

Blessed be
to you and me.

Selling Paintings

I have some paintings on Craigslist:

Oh No Snow White!
20X24
Mixed Media
$75

Lonely Star

19X25

Acrylic

$30

Caution Zombies Ahead
30X26
Mixed Media
$75

Please contact me if you have any questions about the paintings.

Hey Nanny

My Painting, Oh No Snow White

I started out in school seeking a degree in creative writing, but as time passed I realized I'm not a writer at this point in my life.  I just haven't lived enough to really write anything, so I've returned to another love of mine, childcare.

I find such joy in caring for children through learning and exploring and at the moment I have one job and another soon.

The parents I work for are liberal, understanding and extremely flexible, especially when it comes to me continuing school.

I think I've earned weekends off, especially after working for over 6 years without much hope for a Saturday or Sunday off.  One of the worst phrases I used to hear was "Have a great weekend!"  I'm sorry, but if you say those words to a retail/food service employee, you have committed a serious social crime.

I'm here working for eight hours on a day you have off, how do you think I feel?

I am past this now and I don't have to work weekends unless I want to.  This gives me time to focus on my art and perhaps I will write a great novel or set of short stories.  Many writers do not reach their peak until they're early thirties, maybe by then I will have something to write.

I can see why I need to write, to hone my skills in storytelling, much like how an artist takes many life drawing classes in order to understand reality before they bend reality.

Caution Zombies

I've wanted to write a screenplay about retail, especially about my coffee shop job, I never realized how much pain I've caused to the coffee pusher.  That's why people who mull around and don't know what they want piss me off.  Know what you want, then get in line these people want to think beyond you and smoke some pot in the back.

I never understood the lack of respect retail workers receive.  Heads up, we're people, have feelings and deserve better healthcare and a living wage.

I truly believe forcing the young to work a part time job, go to school, eat badly, stress about money is unhealthy for everyone.  Also, when you work retail for a career it promotes very unhealthy mental and physical habits out of fear of losing your job.

Why didn't I become a nanny years ago?

I think I was scared or just didn't know what I wanted but now, thank the gods, I do and living how I want.

Living on My Own To Focus

I swear I have artistic ADD; one day I want to paint, another I want to write, then I want to record a video. I can't finish anything and it leaves me frustrated.

Right now I'm working on a script with a friend and I can't seem to be motivated, mostly because of the material details and my unfamiliarity with them. The main character is a middle-aged-coming-out-of-the-closet-gay, who is married to a woman, and has a son. None of these facts apply to me, so I think I need my friend's help to bring the character out.

However, I do need to focus on school right now. I'm taking some child development classes, an art class, and sign language. I needed a break from all of my Creative Writing major stuff, most of it is boring anyway, and all of these classes will help keep my sanity and find a better job.

I don't want to be so dependent on my boyfriend, who is so sweet, but as a student I'm limited on everything. Kind of sucks really.

I have discovered I need to focus my energies so I'm not so scatterbrained. Meditation isn't one of my strong points, but even sitting down and writing in a journal of sorts would be good. Too many distractions.

I think I need to call on a solid god/dess for this semester. The first one coming to mind is Athena.

Last Summer, when I was alone and free, I called of Eris, fuck was that interesting, mostly because I had boundless energy, dated about 15-20 guys in July, made a bunch of videos, wrote. My ADD was booming but focused in a way, however it left me exhausted for the beginning of the school year. But life didn't fall apart until I quit my job and was so depressed my grades just fell like rocks.

I really just want to get out of school, in 2 years. I will talk to a counselor, I will find out if there are any alternative classes I can take, I will kick some ass, I will write my scrip and paint to keep my sanity. I will focus.

Blessed Be,
Shadow Moon

Poem: Deep and Missing Pie

This poem came to me while I was meditating last night. I was focusing my energy into finding my missing cat Pie. I think it might be about how I'm pulling away from life outside of finding Pie and how my soul feels empty without him in my life. He is just so dear to me, he literally was almost born on my head.

I'm hoping my water scrying was accurate and maybe he will be coming back soon. But who really knows, I might be wrong and maybe it was a message for me to realize he has moved on.


My soul is a cave
dark, quiet,
sunlight is unknown

Like water,
everything is still
ebbing away at the walls
dripping down solid cones

There is life here,
blind, surviving
on the black quiet

Light will come
through the cracks
slowly creeping
its cautious beams

But everything is blind,
stiff and cold,
barley living in
the pitch

Digging deeper
into the earth
my breath will hide

Fearing the suns rays
raging above
my thick skin

Surviving
in the deep.