Lost in Religion

Am I slowly becoming an Atheist?

I have done so much research into so many religions, and still need to do more of course, and thought I found Wicca to be mine, but it's not really.  I hardly follow any of the holidays of esbats and my alter is in complete shambles.

Perhaps it is from pure laziness, but I think structured religion of any sort isn't for me.  I can feel the spirituality of the earth and plants, but I feel like I waste too much energy trying to connect.  I rather focus on my art and make it my religious experience.

by Purnima Koli

With this lack of motivation in keeping a traditional Wiccan calendar I think I need to stop wasting my energy looking for spirituality and just let it happen naturally though my art.  This could be a newfound magick for me, perhaps I just need to stop neglecting it.

I know there are witches out there who have no religious connection, perhaps this is the path for me, considering there is nothing invalid about perusing your art and making a soulful connection to the world, I find a special solace rather than panic in evolving my perspective on the many paths people take spiritually.

Honestly, the words, the practice, the calendar never sat well with me, but I tried and explored, however I feel hallow when I shallowly try and have decided to let my heart take me where I should be.

I will not stop posting, but the journey has changed.

Making Incense is Painful

I have this really informative book, The Complete Book of Incense, Oils and Brews Scott Cunningham, and I really like it, it actually teaches you basic herb properties and how to make everything you need in your magickal life. In my first esbat, on July 7, 2009, I used one of Cunningham's' altar incense' and I think it worked wonderfully. However, last night it was a different story, I haven't been sleeping very well, so I decided to make myself a sleep assist, but it turned into a dream incense because I didn't have all the ingredients needed or the replacements the book says you can use.

So I decided to make:
2 part dried rose petals
2 parts lavender
and one part Cedar

This was still altered because I didn't have the lavender or rose oil I needed. So I set it up on my alter and tried to light the self-igniting charcoal, but it just wouldn't light. I kept burning my fingers hoping it would light the thing, but it would just spark for a few seconds and fizzle out. So I tried lighting a different one and still nothing, I tried putting sage oil on top, nothing, I tried setting it on fire, nothing.

The brand I used was Instant Swift-Light Charcoal and it failed. I probably bought a bad batch, but I'm going to buy the organic Charcoal next time for 25 cents more. It was so frustrating to make the incense that it made me even more tired, so I guess it succeeded it helping me sleep even with burnt fingers.

I probably will try again because I've never been able to remember my dreams really well and I would like to see if this helps me remember my dreams. I do remember one dream in particular with the a totem animal the horse in it.

I was on a journey through a zany version of my neighborhood stuck in my dad's BMW in first gear picking up adopted cousins and sisters, until I reach my home where all the cars from the neighborhood are there. One man tells me they are re-drawing the property lines and I head to my back yard where a horse is standing by an apple tree. "I'm looking for my mother's van, it's black, have you seen it?"
"It went that way." The horse said to me and I look to see car tracks leading into a deep wood. I thank the horse and went about my way, letting him eat the apples off the tree.

I toughly believe it was a dream to tell me, "Your going on a journey." I was, but I didn't know it yet. All the research I did about the Christian God lead me to this path of discovery and I hope I at least entertained you for a while.

Blessed Be