Lost in Religion

Am I slowly becoming an Atheist?

I have done so much research into so many religions, and still need to do more of course, and thought I found Wicca to be mine, but it's not really.  I hardly follow any of the holidays of esbats and my alter is in complete shambles.

Perhaps it is from pure laziness, but I think structured religion of any sort isn't for me.  I can feel the spirituality of the earth and plants, but I feel like I waste too much energy trying to connect.  I rather focus on my art and make it my religious experience.

by Purnima Koli

With this lack of motivation in keeping a traditional Wiccan calendar I think I need to stop wasting my energy looking for spirituality and just let it happen naturally though my art.  This could be a newfound magick for me, perhaps I just need to stop neglecting it.

I know there are witches out there who have no religious connection, perhaps this is the path for me, considering there is nothing invalid about perusing your art and making a soulful connection to the world, I find a special solace rather than panic in evolving my perspective on the many paths people take spiritually.

Honestly, the words, the practice, the calendar never sat well with me, but I tried and explored, however I feel hallow when I shallowly try and have decided to let my heart take me where I should be.

I will not stop posting, but the journey has changed.

Nuns vs Vatican

uploaded by Sporti

I was listening to NPR and I heard this story on Fresh Air about an American Nun, Pat Farrell, the president of the Leadership Conference of Woman Religious, and the assessment of the group by the Vatican. 


The whole story was about how the group represents itself "on homosexuality and birth control and promoting 'radical feminist themes incompatible with the Catholic faith'".  

The most poignant question pertaining to this religious raking of nun was about the sex scandals surrounding the priests in the Catholic church.  Time and time again these sex offenders were left to teach under the ambiguous protection of the church, but these nuns are confronted with the fears as to how "'the church's interpretation of how we talk about God, interpret Scripture, organize life in the church — how have they been tainted by a culture that minimizes the value and the place of women'".

by José Cruz/Abr

Why I left Christianity in the first place was because of the suppression of women.  I never felt like I could be myself and follow the Christian faith, I think these nuns are hitting the same wall, but on a larger scale.

They wanted to provide services to the communities they but the Catholic church wants to control these nuns and black out their agenda of making women equal under the eyes of the church.

Again, the Catholic church was putting their image before the needs of the people.  Even in the assessment of the nuns their concern was not about how they were helping the poor;  "For example, the LCWR publicly expressed in 1977 its refusal to assent to the teaching of Inter insigniores on the reservation of priestly ordination to men" and that was the Catholic church finds important, the absolute power of the male priesthood.

by Gerbilo

Change comes slow, especially in the Catholic church, it took centuries for the Holy Bible to be interpreted into common English why should the equalization of women in the church be any different?  I hope Christianity grows from this, rather than shutting people who have a different perspective out.

What are Pagans fighting for?

by Niusereset

I recently listened to Pagan Centered Podcasts (PCP) 214-216, 239 and 240 for help with my drama on Paganspace.net recently.

The drama was over and done with, but what did the confrontation mean in the longer life run?  The drawn out debate wasn't pointless, but I learned how to handle it better next time.  If someone has a personal problem with me I will try to keep it private, publically stating this of course and hopefully comeing to a resonable discussion off the flame war board.

I meditated on the point of me being a warrior for Luna and recieved a question back, "What are you fighting for?"  This question made me aware about how lost I was about where I need to be.  I can't just pick useless fights, I need to do something with my fighting spirit to help the community, not add fire to the drama.

People in general are drawn to drama, but what is the Pagan community fighting for.  PCP points out how Pagans hang on the tail ends of any universal ideal important to us; gay rights, religious rights, employment rights just to name a few.  The Pagan community cannot just take a backseat in other's protests, letting them do all the work while we cheer at the victory.

I'm not saying there aren't Pagans out there who don't stand up and take a frontal position in social protecting, but I'm concerned the larger community is complacent in preforming their occult practices behind closed doors.

However, if Pagans stay behind closed doors public pagan figures like Fiona Horne, Silver Ravenworlf, Edain McCoy and others will continue to sell a false history and money hungry image.  Even if you want to stay in the broom closet, like me, there are ways to take a stand in the Pagan community.  I write a blog, Brook Stargazer has a podcast and even just talking to individuals about your fatih can help bring about a change in perception about Pagans.

How will you change the Pagan community?

Dream: Shapeshifting Father to Significant Other

by AT2663 

I recently remembered another dream, so I wrote it down and used Dream Moods to help me interpret it.  Any good dream sites I should know about?


This dream was a little long and filled with symbols:


At first the dream started out in a casino, I think it was in Lake Tahoe, because of the forested atmosphere later in the dream.  I'm a person who takes risks when I need to, but I wasn't betting in this casino.  A man was, very happy, don't remember his face very well, but I don't recognize him.


Since I wasn't taking the risk, maybe the dream was telling me to take one in this casino.  The man just  was on a winning streak and just won $10 in nickels.  The nickels could follow suit in the risk taking factor because of the number five.  However, I did not take the risk and the dream moved on.


Later in the dream I'm was at a farmers market, I was just looking and went into a comic shop.  The farmers market could mean something I need was there, maybe a healthier diet?  I didn't buy anything there, but I did buy a comic in the comic shop.  I left, got on a bike and started biking down a road where I bumped  into my father.  He looked at the comic and said it was silly.  Perhaps I just need to be silly sometimes.

http://www.mindat.org/photo-36880.html

He was holding a tourmaline quartz while he was walking to a fundraiser at a local elementary school for ninth graders.  The quartz probably shows a union of masculine and feminine energies because it both has black and white in it.   Why my father was holding it was a mystery.  


The mention of an elementary school brought back memories of being relentlessly teased and along with the number nine could mean I'm finding closure about my past.  I biked to the school and I noticed some very short swings, another reference to childhood and perhaps how short it was for me.  I also saw some children playing in the distance, but I do not go there.


Inside the school a bunch of people were still setting up and I look at the menu.  It was an all you can eat shrimp buffet and I'm allergic to shrimp.  I saw my dad and told him I would help out, but I couldn't eat the food.  He said sorry and decided to drive me back to the farmer's market to pick up something to eat.


At the farmer's market my father and I ordered rice bowls and as we waited I turned around and saw my current boyfriend, Mike,  standing there instead.  The lady who was making our order asked Mike what kind of noodles he wanted and he snapped back "I told you I wanted rice."


I looked at him and said, "She just wants to get your order right."  I held my boyfriend and kissed him, he smiled back.

by Tammy Farrugia

The strangest part of the dream was my father suddenly turning into my boyfriend.  I know they look alike and are almost the same height, but the sudden transformation is strange.  I'm already pretty self reliant so I'm guessing when I saw my father doesn't mean I'm dependent.


However, my father turning into my boyfriend was a symbol of our current relationship.  Mike reminds me of my father and I think he is the sweetest man on the planet, considering some of my baggage he deals with.  I'm just going to take it and run because I can't ask for anyone better than my dad.

Living on My Own To Focus

I swear I have artistic ADD; one day I want to paint, another I want to write, then I want to record a video. I can't finish anything and it leaves me frustrated.

Right now I'm working on a script with a friend and I can't seem to be motivated, mostly because of the material details and my unfamiliarity with them. The main character is a middle-aged-coming-out-of-the-closet-gay, who is married to a woman, and has a son. None of these facts apply to me, so I think I need my friend's help to bring the character out.

However, I do need to focus on school right now. I'm taking some child development classes, an art class, and sign language. I needed a break from all of my Creative Writing major stuff, most of it is boring anyway, and all of these classes will help keep my sanity and find a better job.

I don't want to be so dependent on my boyfriend, who is so sweet, but as a student I'm limited on everything. Kind of sucks really.

I have discovered I need to focus my energies so I'm not so scatterbrained. Meditation isn't one of my strong points, but even sitting down and writing in a journal of sorts would be good. Too many distractions.

I think I need to call on a solid god/dess for this semester. The first one coming to mind is Athena.

Last Summer, when I was alone and free, I called of Eris, fuck was that interesting, mostly because I had boundless energy, dated about 15-20 guys in July, made a bunch of videos, wrote. My ADD was booming but focused in a way, however it left me exhausted for the beginning of the school year. But life didn't fall apart until I quit my job and was so depressed my grades just fell like rocks.

I really just want to get out of school, in 2 years. I will talk to a counselor, I will find out if there are any alternative classes I can take, I will kick some ass, I will write my scrip and paint to keep my sanity. I will focus.

Blessed Be,
Shadow Moon

What I Hope For Chrisianity

Christianity is the major religion around the Western world. Do I think this could change, it could he a likely possibility, however, I rather see religions just tolerate each other or at least ignore one another. Christianity itself has some historical backing from their Jewish dedication to writing the Torah, but history is written by the winners and it is only assumed no mistakes were made. In fact, there is evidence that at one time Judaism was polytheistic.

Links:

http://www.cyberessays.com/History/93.htm

http://www.errancy.org/polytheistic.html


http://books.google.com/books?id=KnIYRi3upbEC&dq=the+christ+conspiracy+the+greatest+story+ever+sold&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=x-wVS_WgJIr8tQOyj6D9Aw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4&ved=0CBsQ6AEwAw#v=onepage&q=&f=false

Christianity is based on thousands of years of tradition. Traditions long dead for the most part. We will never truly know what life was like thousands of years ago, much like the ancient witch traditions. Assumption truly is our only tool, despite the archeological evidence and writings, it doesn't cover actual accounts beyond the Bible.

I really don't think Christianity will ever completely disappear, but I do beleive it will evolve to be more tolerant. It will be realized most of the Bible is a historical reveal into the laws of the time, some of the stories may have been inflated to add some flamboyancy (although Salomon having a ring controlling demons was pretty cool), perhaps the forgotten books of the Bible will be thoroughly studied and accepted as authentic works, there could be many changes, these are just a few changes I would like to see.

Thanks for reading,
Blessed Be.

The Pig Dream

I don’t normally remember my dreams but last night I had a dream of having a miniature pig and giving it a bath in my little bathroom sink. The funny thing is it transformed from a black and white striped pig into a pink domesticated pig. I also remember it speaking to me, but I don’t remember all the words. I think it was mostly about why do you want me as your pet? And such.

It could be my subconscious asking why I’m so scared of letting go of my wild side, but I think it’s telling me not to let go because being domesticated is so mundane. I really don’t know what to say, I tend to remember my really important dreams and perhaps this is telling me to be in touch with my wild side and forget my inhibitions so I can really experience life.

It feels like a warning, never to be someone’s pet, follow your instincts, don’t loose your nature when living within the bounds of society. I really thought the pig was cute and it was so strange to how I washed away it’s natural markings for a domestic pink. It didn’t really struggle it just mostly asked why I was washing this away.

It’s like taking a shower and washing off the day, but I think society does more than just coat our skin, it tells us we can’t do things, magick doesn’t exist, Christianity is the only path, live to work, the world brainwashes us until we are socially acceptable like a domesticated pig.

Mixing Politics with Religion and Instant Gatification

I was thinking about my old friend and the cruelest words he ever said to me, ‘A liberal-Christian is a Christian who doesn't have any beliefs.’ The fact was I did believe in God but I interpreted the Bible differently, because I realized most of it was just opinion written down, an age ago, by men. I don’t mean to bash men, in fact I think they are the luckiest beings in existence, especially when they have to deal with an intelligent woman.

My question is why is there so much attention on mixing religion and politics? Not all Christians are Republican and not all Pagans are Democrat, that is political stereotyping and it’s wrong. I just wanted to worship God and believe prostitution and drugs should be legalized, but when most Christians heard my views they labeled me as a radical feminist-liberal-Democrat-wiener and attempted to right my beliefs to the proper order.

In reality I don’t consider myself as a real liberal, I want people to own guns, I want the government to butt out of private affairs, I want politicians to vote for the good of the whole and not themselves, but I want health care, I want to legalize illegal substances to pay off Americas deficit, I want my car to run on a dream, I want my freedoms damnit and that’s that.

Honestly, I don’t know what category I fit into, you could say I’m Libertarian, a very enlightened concept, but like Communism, when people are involved it fails horribly. People are greedy and selfish, I don’t blame this on an evil force, but American upbringing has gone to a very dark place, where everything is met with instant gratification and a whine.

I’m bad, I want instant gratification too, but working in retail has altered my thoughts quite a bit because I have seen a side of humanity, the IwantthisnowexactlyhowIwantitandthecustomerisalwaysright! side. Instant doesn’t exist, it takes time for things to grow, like my garden, and I am so lucky I learned the lessons of using my hands and smashing my fingers with tolls through the blood and dirt of shoveling.

This instant quick satisfaction also affects politics because we the people don’t see much into the future beyond four years, especially young people, if they vote at all. I’ve voted in every election from presidential to local, except for California’s May thing, and I’m proud. But when I speak to others my age, they blow it off with an anarchist attitude and then complain about their government…stupid. Not all of my age group is like this, but holy-flying-monkey-farts, if you want to change something, google it and then vote on it please!

Nobody wants to do anything anymore and it frustrated me to no end because I’m a natural fighter for my beliefs and rights to a bitter end. This instant gratification is ruining our humanity, nature is, humans are, everything runs on its own schedule, but we humans keep on trying to alter things, speed up, got to school, work and die, that’s it! I don’t want to live life for instant then I’m done with it, I want to live life like a Native American, but with air conditioning and good health care, where the sun is the clock and the seasons move slowly and effortlessly, where everything blends like a beautiful painting.

Whose with me? Who wants to live life to the seasons and not seconds? Who wants to think a head and learn from the past? Who wants to change this world for the better?

Blessed be.

Not Ready to Come Out

My fiance and I are having issues because of this new transition I'm going through. The first words he said to me were, "I can't believe an intelligent person can believe in this. You're crazy." He may have apologized, but he said it and it hurt. Currently I'm having 'Jesus' belief difficulties because if I believe Jesus was the Son of God then I have to believe in the Christian version of God, and I don't. I've decided that Jesus was a real person, with profound knowledge about the divine and was seen as the Messiah by the Jews, but he wasn't, he just said God was his Father, and I think that was from within not literally.

Christians often take ideas too literally or personally at times and forget the common practice of loving your neighbor as yourself. I believe he does love me, but I also want someone to share my journey with me not fight me or keep silent. Recently I have not felt the same about our relationship, I'm unsatisfied and haven't been to lonely without him, maybe it's time for me to move on and find someone I can share with, but not too soon, I need to heal and discover what life is for myself.

I can't help seeing the faults in Christianity and fighting against it all the time. I can't help what I felt and the happiness I'm feeling right now. And I can't deny his rejections to my experience, naming them temptations and his refusal to search and understand what I'm saying. Love is about moving mountains for each other and when one is willing to do so and the other is not, it isn't love it's taking advantage.

I'm changing and will continue to change regardless because time stops for no one.

Blessed Be.