Ants and Futuristic Wars: Dreams

Over the last two nights I remember strange dreams. The first night I can only remember about how a colony of ants were living in my new bed, but the location was my family home, not the apartment I'm living at. I remember me freaking out over the ants then I woke up.

Last night was a little more extensive. I was at a resort, very futuristic, it was like a indoor ski resort/spa. I seemed to be apart of a rebel group of sorts and there was this pink liquid that we threw like bombs. I don't remember what the bomb did, but it stopped working for some reason. I also remember being stuck in a mall like walkway system and loading up a gameboy color to play FF7. I was loading the game so I could escape into it and become Cloud (a female version), I don't think I was able to do this, because I woke up.

Yes, very strange dreams again.

I think it has something to do with how I'm scared about how my boyfriend's parents may ask the "When are you two going to get married?" question. This question terrifies me and I think I'm avoiding it subconsciously, even thought my boyfriend has told me his parents are very lax, I have a feeling they want to know WTF I'm doing with him.

Marriage? Not now. Kids? Medically speaking, not ever, maybe adoption. I don't need a ring for him to prove how much he loves me, he shows it by being kind, gentle, patient and supportive. Tying the knot scares me because I've only seen FAIL, sorry mom and dad but you're not the best example to a happy long marriage.

Sure they are still married but my mom is a medical train wreak because of her diabetes, my father is super stressed because my mom is a angry bitch and financial issues. It's not like any parents are perfect, but damn they are emotionally fucked up.

I think I just need to talk to my man about my feelings, because obviously my brain doesn't know how to shut up!

Blessed Be
Shadow Moon

Living on My Own To Focus

I swear I have artistic ADD; one day I want to paint, another I want to write, then I want to record a video. I can't finish anything and it leaves me frustrated.

Right now I'm working on a script with a friend and I can't seem to be motivated, mostly because of the material details and my unfamiliarity with them. The main character is a middle-aged-coming-out-of-the-closet-gay, who is married to a woman, and has a son. None of these facts apply to me, so I think I need my friend's help to bring the character out.

However, I do need to focus on school right now. I'm taking some child development classes, an art class, and sign language. I needed a break from all of my Creative Writing major stuff, most of it is boring anyway, and all of these classes will help keep my sanity and find a better job.

I don't want to be so dependent on my boyfriend, who is so sweet, but as a student I'm limited on everything. Kind of sucks really.

I have discovered I need to focus my energies so I'm not so scatterbrained. Meditation isn't one of my strong points, but even sitting down and writing in a journal of sorts would be good. Too many distractions.

I think I need to call on a solid god/dess for this semester. The first one coming to mind is Athena.

Last Summer, when I was alone and free, I called of Eris, fuck was that interesting, mostly because I had boundless energy, dated about 15-20 guys in July, made a bunch of videos, wrote. My ADD was booming but focused in a way, however it left me exhausted for the beginning of the school year. But life didn't fall apart until I quit my job and was so depressed my grades just fell like rocks.

I really just want to get out of school, in 2 years. I will talk to a counselor, I will find out if there are any alternative classes I can take, I will kick some ass, I will write my scrip and paint to keep my sanity. I will focus.

Blessed Be,
Shadow Moon

Oh Ouija

I'm fascinated with spirits and ghostly entities, I used to see a man, like a cowboy, in my house as a child. I was never scared, but I did think it was my dad. I didn't use a Ouija board until recently, I made it myself and convinced some friends to try it. We made a circle, but the board would not work in my friend's apartment, it was too well protected, but when we moved it outside it worked.

The strongest entity we encountered was a slender-man type of creature, my friend said it was probably a fairy and had a mischievous smile. Nothing happened, they were experienced with protections circles and spells, I leaned some basics from them and I have a very strong will. This will was tested in one of the most engaging sessions I had.

My niece and other sister joined me and the board was very strong that night in my childhood home. The most malicious entity there was my mother and her negativity, so I was sure to cleanse the house beforehand and told anything with ill intent to get out. I created a salt circle and firmly said nothing evil will enter and around midnight, we set up the board and it was quick to pick up spirits.

There were three who told us they were our guardian angels. I throughly said bullshit. This agitated them and I didn't back down because they kept insisting they were our guardian angels. I called them liars and said for them to go and never come back or they would have to face me. They have never come back and nobody else there was ever bothered by them either.

I'm not scared of spirits, except when they speak in my ear, that scared the hell out of me and I try not to let them manipulate me. Using a board is fun, but I don't mess around when it come to keeping the spirits I don't want out.

Bring Your WItchy Stuff

I did have concerns about my boyfriend freaking out over all of my witchy stuff ( just because he is agnostic doesn't mean completely accepting). I asked for some advice from my friend Jon and he said, "Just do it! Bring your stuff! If he freaks out then it's something you need to talk about." He was right. My boyfriend didn't freak out, he actually kind of enjoys my things sparking off a little bit of my personality in our apartment.

Yes ours. I basically moved out and I'm loving the freedom and the taking responsibility for my own actions and life. I don't have to hide anything anymore, I can just be myself and celebrate it with my new love. Honestly I think he thinks being a witch is kind of sexy. lol

Don't let anybody you can't do something, especially if it is apart of your soul.

Blessed be in harmony,
Shadow Moon.

Catching Up

Merry meet,

Again, it has been a long time since I have written anything mainly because of my chaotic mundane life at the moment. The down-low version:

*new boyfriend
*mother still sick
*looking for a better job
*working (for free) on a comic for a friend
*still making stupid videos
*school >P
*making lots of new friends

Yes I'm really busy, but since I have to stay up for laundry anyway I decided to jot down a quick message.

For my spiritual life, it's been pretty empty, mainly because I've been lazy. I feel horrible, and I need to stick with it because it will be better for my spirit. The latest spell I did was for a friend to help him find a job and it worked, but that was months ago. I think I need to focus more on myself instead of others if I hope to receive anything.

My life is mostly in peace, but for the little emotional bumps. I love the new boyfriend, he is so sweet, nice, kind, gentle, has his own place and a well paying job. I thank the god and goddess constantly, but I think it's my turn to have some good fortune. However, I do firmly beleive that I will receive nothing until I can handle myself on the budget I have, or at least ask for help from my parents. I do think this is why I can't find a better job, so I better get controlling my dollars.

It's really difficult for me though, I've never had to really watch my money until now. Perhaps I've just been asking for the wrong things, instead of a job, maybe a better control over my cash? I truly don't know.

Everyone is having financial difficulties and I'm glad most of my friends have found decent jobs (I'm still looking constantly). I applied for FASFA to help my dad out with my school expenses, I hope they take me so I can finally finish school and earn my creative writing degree.

By the way, since I broke up with Brian I've had a creative storm. It feels so good to be writing again, even thought I hit days where I can't type a word, most I can keep my fingers busy.

So, please wish me luck in tightening my belt.

Blessed be :)

Monster of a Mother

Has it truly been almost three months since my last post? I severely apologize for the hiatus, but it was necessary for me to actually deal with some mundane issues. The most prominent one is my hoarding mother's health.

Currently she is at home, but she is going to dialysis, finally, to help with the collection of poison collecting in her body. She did not go until she fasted and took her insulin one night, bringing her sugars down to 20. However, when at home she still believes she is in control of her body and can order everyone around like her little drones.

There is no appreciation from her. It's strange to be a daughter and seeing the monster of a mother before you, slowly shrink into this little creature screaming for attention. I have the power now, we as a family have the strength to finally say no and it ticks her off.

Otherwise, I've been trying to keep busy making videos, writing and dating some guys, but it annoys me having to answer the same questions over and over again. I guess that's the price I pay when looking for somebody new.

As for my magickal life, nothing much happening at the moment. I am planning a Summer Solstice ritual for this week (yes I know it's late, but I'm still celebrating), but really I've been over worked and stressed and I haven't been focusing so much on my spirituality.

I feel horrible, but I truly need to make an effort, I need a break, I need energy and I need guidance, but I have to work for it.

Well, night and merry part.

Life is Life

Merry Meet!

I know I haven't been writing for a while and here is why:

My mother is in the hospital for a long fight and neglect of her diabetes.
I finally broke up with my fiance and have been hanging out with friends more.
I have been focusing more on school.

So, honestly life has been very busy for me.

I really just want to talk about how weird everything if falling into place for me recently. Months ago I asked the Goddess for someone to share my spirituality openly with and soon after I broke up with my fiance one of my friends started asking me a bunch of questions about Wicca and my personal beliefs.

I was honestly shocked and perused the relationship further and have examined it carefully with meditation and some divination. Right now it looks as if we are meant to be partners in life's crimes and perhaps even into a romantic relationship. I'm really trying to keep it cool, but it's really difficult to do so when your brain is constantly thinking inappropriate thoughts. LoL.

I also have been offered a head writing job with my friends start up business and I have this idea which I think will sell well if I connect with one of my parent's friends who sells cookies.

Life has never fallen into such a line for me before and I'm absolutely ecstatic about it and willing to work for it. It's strange how breaking off a burdensome relationship can be so enlightening. Not that I do not love my X as a friend, but I really believe we can never truly be the same or just friends ever again.

I just thought I'd drop my blog a line, if anyone is reading, so that's life.

Blessed be :)