Has it really been a month?

It really has been about a months since I last wrote and I apologize for being so busy!  I had a wonderful-stressful Halloween (Samhain), but mostly due to decorating my house.  I added the photos to my Flicker account, so enjoy!

Again, I've been so busy with my art and trying to get back into school I haven't taken to time to focus on my spirituality.

For starters, crazy hoarding lady is gone, I no longer work for her and I no longer work with my original nanny family.  Their pre-schooler is going to school now and the mom decided to quit work and stay at home.  I hope the best for them.

I work for a new family now, two kids, 5 and 11 and I am happy with the pay and hours.

Right now I'm going to focus on my art until school begins, I'm starting the winter quarter, and I'm actually happy I'm going back to school.  My older sister, wants me to finish my Creative Writing degree, but I want my Early Childhood education units and to be certified so I can have a better job and then finish my degree.

It took months for the IRS to fix my tax paper issue so I could even go back to school, so there is nothing I could do anyway, plus I'm in good standing at the junior college and need the GPA boost to go back to state.

I'm not too worried about money, I'm content, but my sister worries.  I'm glad she worries because it will help me see through my already started degree.

Altogether, really busy, but it's nice to leave a little update, I miss writing here, but I have to promote my Etsy store too, and that can be a full time job.

Mundane Work and Healthcare

I decided to play with my Ouija board again and my boyfriend is joining me tonight.  II'm kind of excited and hope it will work out.

Sometimes I find the Ouija board will not work very well for me, but as long as it's fun I don't really care if it works very well.  Of course I'm setting up a protection circle, spraying some sage and using protection oils just in case.  I haven't cleansed the house, except for a vacuum, since we moved in here in February.

I don't feel any negativity from this house, in fact I think some fairies are hanging out in my garden, I'll have to take some pictures when the flowers start to bloom.

I did pick up some supplies today, with my friend John, at the witchy store by the sea, because sometimes I just want to visit the ocean and chill.  Not chilling today though because I had videos to make and I'm still a little tired from yesterday.

I purchased some sage spray and protection oil and we stayed at the beach for a moment to make a quick video.

I'm really trying to just get my magickal groove back and focus on my art I've started but haven't finished because I was working six days a week for about a month.

I really can't imagine working two jobs, it kills me because you never have a break, especially from the mundane things like cooking dinner, cleaning, washing clothes, shopping, ect.  Celebrities have people to do those mundane activities for them, pointed out by Craked.com for why talking advice from rich people would be a dumb idea; celebrities do not live in a poor person's reality.

It's weird how you decide not to allow time for yourself because of all the mundane going on all around you.  You forget about magick and focus all your energy to just moving your car, your work, your schedule  and your emotions around to just to zombie your way through life.

It reminds me of the book The Working Poor where people just work until the drop because the government failed them.  

I'm pissed off with not being able to afford health insurance.  The minimum is about $100, but I have diabetes, so who knows how high it can go up.  

Everyone knows when people aren't covered, everyone suffers from high cost patients with no way to pay.  I honestly believe a healthy people is a happy people and why government is so against letting voters be happy.

People say it costs too much, but when someone goes bankrupt because of medical bills, I think that price is too high to pay.  America is the only first world country without a government run medical system, obviously it works if the rest of the world is using it.

Sometimes having one part of your life in chaos impedes the development or structure of others, my health may or may not be in order, although I do try to avoid carbs and sugar.  Seeking spiritual calm will only help, so why not keep up the dedication to my path.

Becoming balanced in one way will help steamroll the others into like I think, so I'm just going to live and meditate on life for the time being.

 

Lazy Environmentalist

Merry Meet all!

 I haven't written in a long time, mainly because I haven't done anything magickal in a while, but that's ok because I'm finally have a job in the field I want and that is Child Development. Technically I'm a nanny for one 3 year old girl and the sister as soon as she starts to crawl. I'm just happy and all I have to do is free play with her while the mom works. Oh, joy.

I'm going back to school for my credentials so perhaps I can find a career as a child care provider. Everything is going pretty well, moved to a tiny little cottage in the downtown area, love it, it has a huge backyard where I'm planting a garden. I guess I'm just trying to be a better blogger, I have no excuse, but some days I just forget or I'm just lazy.

Well, anyway I'm trying to rededicate myself and I hope this works. Recently I have watched too many environmental documentaries, now I feel very depressed because not matter what I do I feel like it's not enough.

I recycle.
Buy environmentally friendly cleaning products.
Buy organic bathing products.
Shop at the local farmers market and organically when I can.
I am growing a garden.
I'm also composting.

But I feel like I'm just a small dot. I know I am, but am I making a difference, sure, but I feel like I should be doing more and I guess that's a motivating idea to build on. I would like to stop buying soda, switch to cloths for cleaning, use glass bottles for my personal cleaning products, make my own home cleaning products, build a water storage, form a small community garden and, and, and...so much....

There is just always something out their ready to damage my quality of life and health to almost the point of paranoia. But, I can only do what I can do because of money, time and energy, so one step at a time right?

Oh, and of course as soon as I want to start taking actual classes at the Firefly Academy the school is closed for maintenance after this semester. Only for a month, but still, lol, only after I want to apply. I think I need community, but where I live kind of sucks magickally, but maybe I need to look again on Going or Meetup, I've never gone to any of the actual Pagan events, so try it before I jump into some online bit? I like people, but if they are just a bunch of immature teenagers pretending to sparkle or whatever, forget it.

Anywhoo, I will write soon. Blessed be!

Living on My Own To Focus

I swear I have artistic ADD; one day I want to paint, another I want to write, then I want to record a video. I can't finish anything and it leaves me frustrated.

Right now I'm working on a script with a friend and I can't seem to be motivated, mostly because of the material details and my unfamiliarity with them. The main character is a middle-aged-coming-out-of-the-closet-gay, who is married to a woman, and has a son. None of these facts apply to me, so I think I need my friend's help to bring the character out.

However, I do need to focus on school right now. I'm taking some child development classes, an art class, and sign language. I needed a break from all of my Creative Writing major stuff, most of it is boring anyway, and all of these classes will help keep my sanity and find a better job.

I don't want to be so dependent on my boyfriend, who is so sweet, but as a student I'm limited on everything. Kind of sucks really.

I have discovered I need to focus my energies so I'm not so scatterbrained. Meditation isn't one of my strong points, but even sitting down and writing in a journal of sorts would be good. Too many distractions.

I think I need to call on a solid god/dess for this semester. The first one coming to mind is Athena.

Last Summer, when I was alone and free, I called of Eris, fuck was that interesting, mostly because I had boundless energy, dated about 15-20 guys in July, made a bunch of videos, wrote. My ADD was booming but focused in a way, however it left me exhausted for the beginning of the school year. But life didn't fall apart until I quit my job and was so depressed my grades just fell like rocks.

I really just want to get out of school, in 2 years. I will talk to a counselor, I will find out if there are any alternative classes I can take, I will kick some ass, I will write my scrip and paint to keep my sanity. I will focus.

Blessed Be,
Shadow Moon

Catching Up

Merry meet,

Again, it has been a long time since I have written anything mainly because of my chaotic mundane life at the moment. The down-low version:

*new boyfriend
*mother still sick
*looking for a better job
*working (for free) on a comic for a friend
*still making stupid videos
*school >P
*making lots of new friends

Yes I'm really busy, but since I have to stay up for laundry anyway I decided to jot down a quick message.

For my spiritual life, it's been pretty empty, mainly because I've been lazy. I feel horrible, and I need to stick with it because it will be better for my spirit. The latest spell I did was for a friend to help him find a job and it worked, but that was months ago. I think I need to focus more on myself instead of others if I hope to receive anything.

My life is mostly in peace, but for the little emotional bumps. I love the new boyfriend, he is so sweet, nice, kind, gentle, has his own place and a well paying job. I thank the god and goddess constantly, but I think it's my turn to have some good fortune. However, I do firmly beleive that I will receive nothing until I can handle myself on the budget I have, or at least ask for help from my parents. I do think this is why I can't find a better job, so I better get controlling my dollars.

It's really difficult for me though, I've never had to really watch my money until now. Perhaps I've just been asking for the wrong things, instead of a job, maybe a better control over my cash? I truly don't know.

Everyone is having financial difficulties and I'm glad most of my friends have found decent jobs (I'm still looking constantly). I applied for FASFA to help my dad out with my school expenses, I hope they take me so I can finally finish school and earn my creative writing degree.

By the way, since I broke up with Brian I've had a creative storm. It feels so good to be writing again, even thought I hit days where I can't type a word, most I can keep my fingers busy.

So, please wish me luck in tightening my belt.

Blessed be :)

Monster of a Mother

Has it truly been almost three months since my last post? I severely apologize for the hiatus, but it was necessary for me to actually deal with some mundane issues. The most prominent one is my hoarding mother's health.

Currently she is at home, but she is going to dialysis, finally, to help with the collection of poison collecting in her body. She did not go until she fasted and took her insulin one night, bringing her sugars down to 20. However, when at home she still believes she is in control of her body and can order everyone around like her little drones.

There is no appreciation from her. It's strange to be a daughter and seeing the monster of a mother before you, slowly shrink into this little creature screaming for attention. I have the power now, we as a family have the strength to finally say no and it ticks her off.

Otherwise, I've been trying to keep busy making videos, writing and dating some guys, but it annoys me having to answer the same questions over and over again. I guess that's the price I pay when looking for somebody new.

As for my magickal life, nothing much happening at the moment. I am planning a Summer Solstice ritual for this week (yes I know it's late, but I'm still celebrating), but really I've been over worked and stressed and I haven't been focusing so much on my spirituality.

I feel horrible, but I truly need to make an effort, I need a break, I need energy and I need guidance, but I have to work for it.

Well, night and merry part.

Life is Life

Merry Meet!

I know I haven't been writing for a while and here is why:

My mother is in the hospital for a long fight and neglect of her diabetes.
I finally broke up with my fiance and have been hanging out with friends more.
I have been focusing more on school.

So, honestly life has been very busy for me.

I really just want to talk about how weird everything if falling into place for me recently. Months ago I asked the Goddess for someone to share my spirituality openly with and soon after I broke up with my fiance one of my friends started asking me a bunch of questions about Wicca and my personal beliefs.

I was honestly shocked and perused the relationship further and have examined it carefully with meditation and some divination. Right now it looks as if we are meant to be partners in life's crimes and perhaps even into a romantic relationship. I'm really trying to keep it cool, but it's really difficult to do so when your brain is constantly thinking inappropriate thoughts. LoL.

I also have been offered a head writing job with my friends start up business and I have this idea which I think will sell well if I connect with one of my parent's friends who sells cookies.

Life has never fallen into such a line for me before and I'm absolutely ecstatic about it and willing to work for it. It's strange how breaking off a burdensome relationship can be so enlightening. Not that I do not love my X as a friend, but I really believe we can never truly be the same or just friends ever again.

I just thought I'd drop my blog a line, if anyone is reading, so that's life.

Blessed be :)

Why is life so chaotic?

Sorry I haven't written anything in a while, but I've been busy with school, I injured myself at work, so life has been pretty hectic and I have barley any time to work any spells or even basic rituals.

But I did make some time to celebrate Samhain. It was a quick and simple ritual because I spent the day gaming Exalted with a friend. I really just followed Cunningham's ritual procedures and it was just nice to sit down and relax with the elemental and spiritual energies.

As I said I was injured at work and I've been off for over two weeks. It's not deadly, but my left knee and hip are continuously in pain at random moments, mainly when I stand too long.

I feel truly depressed because I feel useless and that is why I'm so thankful to the Samhain ritual. I let my worries pass into the endless universe, my hopes, dreams, fears, all passed onto a higher power. It's a great lift from my shoulders.

I have a feeling everything will finally work out: I will find insurance coverage, I will move out, I will find a better job. Saying I will says so much.

So how was your Samhain? :)

Ghosts, Past Lives and Moving Out....Probably Never

I haven’t been dreaming, well that’s impossible, so I haven’t been remembering my dreams, probably because I’m up too late and I laze about my bed, before I get up. It kind of hurts me, because I know my dreams hold the key to my past and future, so I feel lost sometimes. However, when I do remember my dreams they are stunning and important, so maybe I haven’t had any dreams of note lately.

I wonder sometimes if I’m just a new soul model, mundane, without any prior experience to guide myself though life, I would hate that fate, but I have no control over it. Why are new sols necessary anyway? If there are literally billions to choose from why are blank slates being created? Have that many souls decided to live in a permanent paradise? How many souls are blank slates at this very moment?

From the dreams I can remember I’ve never had any sort of past life dream, unless if it was on another planet, yes they were weird. So, as of right now, I can assume I’m a blank slate too. To be honest I lead a boring life so I would hate to dream about my life, it would be like watching a foreign film with bad actors.

So, my sister finally spoke to the entity and she laid down some ground rules, thank goodness, I don’t have to banish it. Phew, I just don’t need the responsibility at the moment. I didn’t need the thought of it wanting revenge hanging over my head until the day I die.

As a child I believe I used to see spirits, but after fear invaded my mind my powers became almost non-existent. I have to stop doubting myself and accept my once-gift with a passion. It’s going to take a long time and it’s probably best not to explore it too much in this house because it’s filled with negativity.

Assumedly my home was build in about 1909, the foundation at least, more was added in the 1940s and the 1980s. I can still remember pushing my tricycle through the halls of construction. The people who lived in the house before us seemed nice, but I think most of the energies are from us, especially my mother. In fact I sleep in my parents old bedroom.

My mother has deep issues involving her health, family, sexual assault and general anger. She radiates hatred, pain and she is an absolute control freak. For example, she is serving dinner and I told her ‘I can serve myself, I’m not five, so sit down and relax.’ It’s painful for her to stand with her loosing half her foot to diabetes, but, she yells, ‘Five to forty-five I’m going to serve if I want to serve!’

WTF?

I left her to her servitude. So you can see how my mother is the center for any negative impact in this house. I need to move out…

Blessed Be.