Saturday, December 12, 2009

Poem: Deep and Missing Pie

This poem came to me while I was meditating last night. I was focusing my energy into finding my missing cat Pie. I think it might be about how I'm pulling away from life outside of finding Pie and how my soul feels empty without him in my life. He is just so dear to me, he literally was almost born on my head.

I'm hoping my water scrying was accurate and maybe he will be coming back soon. But who really knows, I might be wrong and maybe it was a message for me to realize he has moved on.

My soul is a cave
dark, quiet,
sunlight is unknown

Like water,
everything is still
ebbing away at the walls
dripping down solid cones

There is life here,
blind, surviving
on the black quiet

Light will come
through the cracks
slowly creeping
its cautious beams

But everything is blind,
stiff and cold,
barley living in
the pitch

Digging deeper
into the earth
my breath will hide

Fearing the suns rays
raging above
my thick skin

in the deep.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Christian Witches

Fine, you can be a Christian Witch, but I would call myself a prayer healer or Christian Mystic. Unfortunately in the Bible, witches are evil, that's it. It doesn't matter how you explain witchcraft=wise-craft, the Bible does not support witches.Witchcraft: Wikipedia

However, you can receive gifts through God, the fruits of the spirit,, which could be seen as magic. Also, plants were used commonly in the Bible, some in spiritual practices, and so were stones, just as garments though.

So what would be a Christian witch, one blessed with the fruits of the spirit and one who uses herbs and stones to the strict interpretation within the Bible. The power only comes from God. Not the plant, not from within, no the stone, but through faith in God alone.

In the end the only issue left is the title, call yourself a prayer healer and just move on. I'm just tired of this. I'm sorry if I sound extra agitated, but I'm sick and this topic really annoys me.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

What I Hope For Chrisianity

Christianity is the major religion around the Western world. Do I think this could change, it could he a likely possibility, however, I rather see religions just tolerate each other or at least ignore one another. Christianity itself has some historical backing from their Jewish dedication to writing the Torah, but history is written by the winners and it is only assumed no mistakes were made. In fact, there is evidence that at one time Judaism was polytheistic.


Christianity is based on thousands of years of tradition. Traditions long dead for the most part. We will never truly know what life was like thousands of years ago, much like the ancient witch traditions. Assumption truly is our only tool, despite the archeological evidence and writings, it doesn't cover actual accounts beyond the Bible.

I really don't think Christianity will ever completely disappear, but I do beleive it will evolve to be more tolerant. It will be realized most of the Bible is a historical reveal into the laws of the time, some of the stories may have been inflated to add some flamboyancy (although Salomon having a ring controlling demons was pretty cool), perhaps the forgotten books of the Bible will be thoroughly studied and accepted as authentic works, there could be many changes, these are just a few changes I would like to see.

Thanks for reading,
Blessed Be.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Fighting Amongst Ourselves

I have noticed that anonymous + The Internet= douchebags.

I may have different opinions than others, but I do try not to attack people on an individual basis. I already know I am at fault for it but I do try. Mainly because my name here isn’t for animosity, but it is my Goddess given name. So, I do try to represent myself to the community in a dignified manner.

However, I have noticed many have decided to use the Internet as a garbage dump for attacking individuals based on opinions, not facts. This is wrong, but it shows a horrifying truth, people hurt at anytime they can get away from punishment.

Is this the true face of society? Hiding behind pleasant masks while we boil with anger inside? Are we so suppressed emotionally that we can not find civil ways to express our deepest thoughts and opinions?

I guess what I’m asking for is common courtesy on the Internet as we have in person, for the most part at least. I will presently apologize for any harsh offences I have laid, but if it is a matter of opinion, it is just my word, not the voice of the masses.

I'm just so tired of people saying they want a better world, then using the Internet to do the opposite. Just yesterday a teenager called me, his number was 'private', and called me a 'f-ing bitch' for putting up so many cat posters. Would he have called if it were not anonymous? Probably not.

There is security behind privacy, but when does privacy become a weapon?

We need to be the people we truly are online and off. To do otherwise is two-faced. This not only applies to the Pagan community, but to all of humanity.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Wedding Dream

I've never dreamed of my wedding before, so this was a very strange dream for me to have and remember.

Lately I have not been happy with my fiance of 2 years because I do not think we are meant for each other, we're just too scared to look for anyone else.

In the dream, everything went wrong, mainly on the dress. It was stained, ripped, torn, to the point where I had to cover it up wit a shawl. But I was happy and my future husband held me so gently it was lovely.

He also looked nothing like my current fiance, dark hair, brown eyes, completely handsome. I was also skinny.

I personally believe it was a sign that there is someone better out there for me and despite disaster, it will all work out. It's so hard to move on from a long lasting relationship, we have been together for over ten years, it feels more like a divorce. Of course there is nothing horribly wrong wit the relationship, but I'm not happy and I deserve better, so I need to let go, focus on myself and maybe find someone on the way.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Water Scrying Message

On 11/15 I had a dream of being taken by water spirits to an underwater cavern. I took this as a sign to attempt water scrying to see if it would develop any information about my lost cat Pie.

11/16: I lit my candles, set up some water noises on my i-pod and began to focus and stare into the bowl filled with water. It took a while just to relax, but I finally saw some images of faries, crescent moons, missing eyes, even my own left eye started to go blurry (the same eye missing from my cat).

Perhaps Pie will return on a crescent moon, waxing or waning, I do not know I just hope he comes home soon.

Have you seen my kitty:

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Fairy Cat Return Spell

I’ve been missing my cat, Pie, for nine days now. Angel was kind enough to give me a cat spell from Ellen Dugan’s book, The Enchanted Cat, so I can call to Pie magickally and hopefully bring him home soon.

The spell itself left me tingly and crying, because I really do ant my baby back in my loving arms, it also left me with a sense of calm, to the point where I didn’t feel the need to call on the Ouija board. Thank goddess because I don’t think it’s safe to work one alone.

Yes, I have done all the mundane I could do, putting up posters, calling all the local shelters in the area, posting on craigslist and It was especially stressful when we thought our beloved Pie was dead, but that changed quickly because I discover that the date of disappearance for Pie and mystery cat, did not match. Also it was just too weird for Pie to have been taken to a Willow Glen clinic, about ten miles from my house. So I thank the god and goddess immensely for revealing that information to me.

Now I’m in action, but I have to do my school work. Luckily I have a lot of free time because I’ve been off work because of an injured hip and knee. I’m feeling better though, so yay, I can go back to work soon.

I feel so much better after doing the spell. I do not believe it would have felt half as good if I had not done everything mundane I could, because I would have felt a little pre-executed if I called to the gods for help before trying something on my own. I’m so thankful, I hope my baby will some home soon.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Missing Cat Update

Name: Pie
Color: Orange and White Tabby
Last Seen: Walters Ave, Campbell, CA, 10/29
Distinct Markings: He is missing a left eye.

Pie is about five years old and has been missing for days. We really miss him and have checked the shelters. One picture looked promising but they were closed on Monday and by Tuesday either killed him or set him up for adoption. We are still looking and cannot stop crying, please help us find our cat!

Four days ago, 11/3/2009, he may have been seen at the Farm Milk Dairy @ 900 San Thomas Aquino Rd, Campbell, Ca

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

San Jose Animal Care and Services Killed My Cat

Pie was a healthy, neutered and was missing a left eye. He was then taken to the City of San Jose Animal Care Center.

We were so relieved when we found his picture and called leaving messages and finally spoke to a real person. We gave her the information and said we would be in Tuesday to pick Pie up, but on Tuesday his website image was missing and so was Pie.
The shelter only keeps their lost animals for about four days, that is the minimum, and then they become the property of the City of San Jose. However we could not pick up Pie on Monday, his fifth day at the shelter, because they were closed.

In consequence, Pie was euthanized, despite the fact there was no way to retrieve him from the shelter on Monday and we called telling them his identification number and the fact he was our cat. Obviously, someone did not do their job, otherwise our cat would be home.

The policy gives little hope for a pet owner, especially for cats, because cats tend to wander and can be missing for a day for two. By the time you realize your cat is truly missing half your time was gone.

Then, you have to look in different shelters. Pie was not at the normal Campbell shelter, the Silicon Valley Animal Control Authority, but at the San Jose one. This was also time consuming.
Fist off, change the waiting period for lost animals to seven days, so owners can search more ground and have a change to actually find their pet.

Second, no euthanizations on days the shelter will be closed and do not count the days of closing as days of holding. If the family cannot pick up their beloved pet, then the shelter shouldn’t have the right to exterminate it.

Lastly, make the fines cheaper. It would have cost over 150$ to release Pie. It costs about 100$ for adopting a new kitten.

No wonder why people decide to abandon their animals, they cannot afford to bail them out of kitty jail.

We spoke to Staceey Dains about or detrimental situation and she attempted to blame us for Pie’s death, but it was her staff who either forgot or never bothered to write down the desperate pleas of a family for their cat’s life.

Policy needs to be changed, these shelters are supposed to be a safety net for our lost pets, not an execution chamber.

My One Eyed Cat is Still Missing

Both of my cats went missing on 10/27, we got one of them back, but the other is still at large.

Color: Orange and White Tabby Shorthair
Unique Feature: Missing Left Eye
Gender: Male (neutered)
Last Seen: 10/27 Campbell, Ca Walters Ave

We checked the local shelters, who only seem to care about licensing and beating you for every penny to bail out your cat.

How ridiculious is it when it costs over 150$ to bail out a cat and it costs 100$-55$ to adopt one? No wonder people abandon their pets in the shelter, it's cheaper to adopt another one than free their own.

We even thought we found him, and called the shelter, but they were closed on Monday, the last legal day they are obligated to hold our lost pet, so we couldn't pick him up until Tuesday.

However, there was no sign of him at the shelter on Tuesday and we were both mad, because how could we pick up our cat yesterday when they weren't open and we called telling them he was our cat?

I pray he wasn't euthanized and I hope we can find him.

We just haven't stopped crying, please help us find him.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Why is life so chaotic?

Sorry I haven't written anything in a while, but I've been busy with school, I injured myself at work, so life has been pretty hectic and I have barley any time to work any spells or even basic rituals.

But I did make some time to celebrate Samhain. It was a quick and simple ritual because I spent the day gaming Exalted with a friend. I really just followed Cunningham's ritual procedures and it was just nice to sit down and relax with the elemental and spiritual energies.

As I said I was injured at work and I've been off for over two weeks. It's not deadly, but my left knee and hip are continuously in pain at random moments, mainly when I stand too long.

I feel truly depressed because I feel useless and that is why I'm so thankful to the Samhain ritual. I let my worries pass into the endless universe, my hopes, dreams, fears, all passed onto a higher power. It's a great lift from my shoulders.

I have a feeling everything will finally work out: I will find insurance coverage, I will move out, I will find a better job. Saying I will says so much.

So how was your Samhain? :)

Friday, October 2, 2009

Life Sucks, Then You Recover Over TIme

My mother is dying of kidney failure caused by her lack of control of her diabetes. I myself am a diabetic and it has been absolutely devastating having to suffer through her karma.

I say karma because she tried to control everything and everybody around her through abuse and aggression. Now she has absolutely no control over her health and life.

I really do not know what to do, I'm still angry at her and I feel it's very dangerous to do any magick when in this depressing state.

Currently I'm reading a self-help book, called Toxic Parents and it's been very painful to relapse through horrible memories from my lack of childhood.

This is why I haven't posted, I'm very stressed out and haven't had time to write anything profound or magickal.

Thanks for reading,
Blessed Be.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Shadow People

0-Response to a Post on

I used to see one down my hallway at night, they have never appeared in my room, to me anyway, but my sister said she saw a shadow in my room once. I think I feel them mostly, my hairs stand up. One time I think they tried to talk to me, but I was so scared, so I just curled under my covers and went to bed.

I've never felt anything bad, but since I do not understand them, I fear them. But as a child I used to think they were just my dad. I don't know why they are here and I'm wondering if they were a sign that I would follow a Pagan path.

My mother also sees them. She doesn't fear them, but just says, "Oh it's you." and goes back to bed. Now I'm wondering if they are the cause for my fear of seeing trees through a window. Sometimes I see them randomly on the road or from the corner of my eye. I wish they didn't look so dark and scary.

My sister also feels one, outside my house, she says it's feminine and it just watches her. She says I have a male one who watches me. But I wonder why? She also said they got pissed when I salted and smudged our rooms and house. So I'm wondering if they are a good thing.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Pagan Blog Prompt: Pagan Pride or Ego?

0Provided by Pagan Blog Prompts

The Question Is:

In regards to Pagan Pride Day events and the like, "Do public gatherings serve your faith... or are they just big parties that serve the ego?"

I remember going to many Christian revivals as a child and I have to say they gave me a spiritual high so unimaginable it felt close to a addiction. However, it only stayed for a little while and I was left, cold, sad and alone in my spiritual self. There is no doubt in my mind that these experiences were authentic, but shallow.

Personally, I have never been to a Pagan Event, but I imagine it to be much the same, but different because I feel that there would be a lasting effect on me. It's about being free to express your love for the god or goddess you serve and knowing that there are physical presences beyond the ritual circle offer more substance. Because in the Christian mindset man is forever separate from God until death, but with Pagan beliefs, the god and goddess are here now, waiting for your fellowship.

This is the great divide between the two and it the power I felt as a Christian left me begging for more, but with the separation of God and man in play, it just leaves you empty in the end. So, I beleive a Pagan Event serves both the ego and the faith, because of their freedom in expression and the knowledge of the personal connection with the god and goddess now instead of waiting for death.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Shadow People and a Spooky Rock

So my sister went to our local metaphysical store and was informed that one of my granite rocks was heavy with negativity. I cleansed the rock in the sun, saltwater and under the full moon, so there is no reason why it should be bound in negativity and yet is is apparently. She advised we bury the rock and say a prayer. So I have to toss the rock, but I'm curious as to how it could have been infected so intensely.

The woman also said that I have called a spirit. I don't recall ever calling one, I used to see shadow people in my house when I was a child, but I haven't seen them in years, so I guess I must have called one to me as a child and instead of me being able to interact my sister has been felling the presence. Also I ticked it off when I salted my room and my sisters. Anyway, I really don't know what to do because I'm actually a little frightened to interact with the dead.

Furthermore the woman decided to advise me to take a class because I'm probably doing more harm than good. To be honest I haven't done anything without advice and guidance from more experienced people. I admit I'm new and I will probably ask her some questions of my own, but I'm wondering if you have any advice for me?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Being Sick Sucks

Of course on the first week of school I catch a nasty cold. Not only did I miss class, but two days of work. DANG! I really need the hours :( And I'm hoping I receive a call from a library job soon...16$ an hour...shelving books...air English Majors dream....

I've just been so wrapped up in school, work and stuffy noses that I'm thankful the full moon is coming :)

Also, my fiance was almost hired for a scam. I'm just so angry at people who use these hard economic times to take advantage of the financially desperate. It takes a very twisted individual to call and promise a job which requires lying and manipulation to accomplish. GERR, it just makes me so MAD!

So, onto a witchy matter, I recently did a tarot reading for my fiance and I'm happy because he is a Christian and he did say it helped give him some clarity on his situation. I'm new to using tarot, but I seem to have a ability, as long as I stay focused :) I understand all the forms of divination are just to be used as a tool for life changing decisions and problems, not an absolute guide to what shall be. Because the individual can change their own future depending on their choices.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Cool Orbs

Caught some cool orb images after I left some chocolate for the spirits in my garden.
These were the best images.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Invading Dream

I had a nightmare about Neo-Nazis coming into my house and taking over. They had Uzis, combat boots. My parents were out of the house and for some reason my co-worker Ande was there.

I tried to fight them, but that didn’t work, there were about fifty of them yelling, screaming, ready to set up a ritualistic fire in the back yard. Funny enough they didn’t take away our cell phones or computers, but they did cut the lines and set up an anti-cell signal.

I did finally escape and I was able to call the police, but I kept dialing the wrong number. Finally I escaped with some clothes up to my sister’s house. After I must have astro-projected back to the house to get some more things, then I was picked up by the police.

It was a scary dream, but usually I remember them if they are important. Perhaps it’s to warn be to protect myself from outside influences or even to remind me that I do have the power to astro-project. I think everyone does have the power because we all dream and visit different places.

I really didn’t like the place I visited last night, but I hope I can learn from it.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


Last night Angel, Sherman, my fiancé and I wend up Hicks road to watch the falling start. It was perfectly dark as we laid there on a blanket watching the colorful streaks pass through the milky way. We talked, laughed and joked only interrupting with a resounding “ooooooooh” when a star streaked past.

It was so amazing to be somewhere so quiet, where only the wind and crickets fill our ears, it’s rare to have these moments when you live in the city. The energy isn’t as rushed like it is in the city and it has a calming effect. But I think we tried to change it with out constant talking, we just couldn’t enjoy the quiet too long.

It would be nice to go up there alone mainly because it would be easier to enjoy the serene quiet. But there are times where it’s okay to just talk with others and have a good time under the infinite stars. There were no computers, phones, texting, it was authentic communication, where you could hear the voice and face at the same time,

The Pagan community itself seems spread thin and it is sometimes lonely in solidarity practice. I’m lucky to have some friends, but it would be nice to meet other Pagans without the use of the Internet, which is an awesome tool, but impersonal. One time I went to one of my local occult stores and just stared at by the other customers. I felt like I was intruding and it did not encourage me to open up either.

I wouldn’t have minded a small high, but all I felt was negativity. I have at least one good idea behind the Christian community, if you come into their church, you are usually greeted warmly, but with the Pagan community, it seems people are very guarded from each other.

This is one of the reasons why I’ve chosen to be a solitary. I don’t want to deal with drama, but I feel pretty lonely with just my books to keep me company. It just seems like the community is very hidden and skeptical to newbies. But I think it would be good to have some structure and learn from more experienced practitioners even if the coven doesn’t work out, at least you have the knowledge.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Luck Spells and Money

I preformed a luck spell today as I entered some survey contests and as the smoke rose I could feel the energy flowing though my body. Small slivers of light danced as the incense drifted through. The smell is robust and strong and I chanted for the spirits of luck to hear me and drink in the aroma.

The energy shook through me as I sent out my visual plea to win some extra cash. I don’t think this is selfish in the least because in the long run financial stability promotes good for everyone. And I wasn’t asking for the money, but luck in winning the money, which I think is even less biased.

There seems to be some controversy in the ethics on money spells mainly because it’s free. This is untrue however, because it takes time, often money and effort for a spell to work. The only reason why I would say no to casting a money spell is when the caster is expecting it for nothing or no effort. But if they are currently working or looking for a job, there is no harm to spell some extra cash your way.

Money is an object given value by a society, it’s bartering with government paper. But it is what the landlord wants for rent, so I suggest you pay with bills and not cookies. Personally, I rather do an exchange system, I could write a poem, wash your dishes, baby-sit kids, my skills maybe small, but I do not fear work.

I think money promotes greed, unhappiness, unhealthy desires, especially when it looses its toll status and becomes a die hard necessity. Today it is necessary to have money, but it’s tool to buy food and other needs and wants. However, it does not bring joy, happiness, self-satisfaction, it is merely an aid to the means.

I see no problem with money spells as long as you use them responsibly and do not rely on them for success. But be careful, everything come back, good and bad.

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Dragon in the Middle

The only dragons I've ever felt fully depicted my fantasy of what an actual dragon should look like is Draco from "Dragonheart" and Sean Connery's voice didn't hurt either. "Eragon" was a great book but it was a POS on the movie screen because they blasted through the story and altered it to where it didn't seem to entrance me any more. One example is when Brom died in the book, I cried, but in the movie it was glazed over like a Krispy Cream doughnut. It disappointed me, enraged me and is one of the many reasons why my family will not see movies with me anymore.

Also, I couldn't get though the second book "Eldest" because the it felt like I was grinding in WOW. It was annoying, because it felt like it had to be a bigger book because Harry Potter always progressed to a larger page number, until it became as large as the whole Lord of the Ring series in book 7. I didn't care about the deserts between locations, I just wanted to read about the epic dragon battles and add some kick ass imagination, but no, I couldn't drag myself through the first 200 pages before I returned it to the library.

You could say I'm obsessed with dragons, I even wrote a poem about one of my fantasies, nothing too sexual, considering it was published in my Christian private schools literary magazine. I've always seen dragons as intelligent creatures who are the ultimate balance between the four elements and since I've been an whacked out Libra all my life I needed a magickal example because my life was only filled with horrible unrealistic ones, like "God works in mysterious ways".

Sadly, with real life, I've paid little attention to writing stories, drawing or just imagining my draconic companions, but I'm on the road to recovery because I've been drawing, crappily, again. I've always wanted to transform myself into a dragon and scarf down my bitch-mother, even if it did cause indigestion and draconic diabetes. It was a little sick fantasy and I used to protect myself from the bewildering hatred spewing out of my mother's mouth.

In short, I like dragons because I think they are a symbol of balance and they can eat annoying people whenever they want because they are teeth, claws, flight and fire. I don't like making them too bestial or too magic-preppie because there is just this charm of watching an intelligent creature who has no shame in ripping a flock of sheep to shreds. It's the bestial vs intelligence/magick factor I think becomes a huge barrier in most fantasy minds about dragons, much like the moral stance in video games like Fable, you can be either Satan or Jesus, but there is no middle man.

This is why I like "Dragonheart", it fits in the middle, has one of the sexiest voices ever, other than when David Kaye when he voiced Megaton in "Beast Wars" and I could imagine myself in the story easily. I hate movies like "Dragon Slayer", "Harry Potter" and "Rein of Fire", not only because they were wyverns advertised as dragons and very stupid. "D-War" was another disappointment mainly because the story was absolute crap. Shallow characters following a 2-D form of reincarnation in order to bring peace to the world while sacrificing their love just sucks.

The only other movie I can stand is "Flight of Dragons" which was based on a book by Peter Dickinson and the novel "The Dragon and the George" by Gordon R. Dickson. Good storytelling, epic characters, a little choppy on the background of some, but I can still watch it today and laugh my pants off when the dragons, Gorbash and Smrgol wake up from a drinking binge and the inn is destroyed. Watch it. Anyway, I think I'm just sick and tired of the extremism of dragons in stories, bestiality has it's place, but you loose the magic and it just becomes another hormone moister to kill. Also, when it becomes a magical best, they are just a little dry, especially when they suffer from battle retardation.

"Eragon", the book, did a decent job of obtaining the middle ground also, which is why I like it, even if I couldn't ground my body through the jagged writing of "Eldest". The relationship between the boy and his dragon was charming, sweet and it touched my fantasy button and rendered me almost helpless, even with the frakkin elves invading with there arrogant attitude, as with every fantasy nowadays.

I guess I like to see dragons as fallible creatures with wants beyond shiny-virgin and magic-crap, because they are my symbol in a way, or at least my desired symbol. I want to be balanced but also realize I have wants and needs that are rather complex, except when it comes to food.

Even stranger, my totem dragons seems to be a Lung, my rain dragon, so to speak, even though I seem to visually appeal to more western dragons. However, I do like their fluid shape and think they are gorgeous to look at. Mine is a silvery/white dragon with blue undertones with a simply elegant long body shape. I'll have to try and draw a picture of it sometime.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Location, location, location

Yesterday morning I woke up about an hour before my alarm went off so I decided to have a mini yoga session and meditate. It felt so good to do yoga again and I decided to search for my wolf-spirit totem during my meditation.

I was in my field of red flowers and began to visualize dancing and picked flowers into a bundle. The air was cool, crisp and soft as I entered the dark woods. Trees stood silent and I called to my wolf, who came. It was male with a salt n’ peppered coat and white underside he lead me to his family who were deep in the wood. All those furry bodies pressed up against me and I smiled at peace.

It was a nice start to a long working day and I’m so thankful to have Thursday off because I have to perform my Esbat very late in order to prevent any witch burning. It’s my time to give thanks to the goddess and god, especially because I have more working hours now, which I needed.

My fiancé called and I was just so irritated and I feel really bad for it because how is he supposed to feel comfortable asking me questions about Wicca if I’m so mad? I need to just count to ten and focus on balancing my elements before I speak, also taking some Ibuprofen wouldn’t hurt either.

So I explained to him about the full moon and why I was performing the ritual. He was very receptive and I appreciate that because the last thing I need is to feel closed off from my lover.

I tried to do my ritual at the local park, but the energy was all wrong. Also the moon was being covered by clouds most of the time, but I preformed the ritual anyway and gave thanks to Luna for all her gifts and left some wine and bread for the earth.

I’m wondering if I’m doing these rituals right. I set up the representations of the god and goddess, invoke the four directions, cast circle, give thanks, but I think it has a lot to do with the energy already there also. My yard has a small oasis where I planted wildflowers and the energy just feels right for ritual. At the park though I felt frightened and aware of every chirp in the night.

I think it’s good to find new locations for ritual so you can know for yourself what energy works for you personally. I would love to find another location that is isolated from everyone, but since I live in the city it’s pretty hard to locate. I’m also scared of going too far off because I don’t want to fall into a big mess of trouble.

I’m so glad I’m on this path of discovery and would love to hear your comments.

Blessed Be.

Monday, August 3, 2009

The Pig Dream

I don’t normally remember my dreams but last night I had a dream of having a miniature pig and giving it a bath in my little bathroom sink. The funny thing is it transformed from a black and white striped pig into a pink domesticated pig. I also remember it speaking to me, but I don’t remember all the words. I think it was mostly about why do you want me as your pet? And such.

It could be my subconscious asking why I’m so scared of letting go of my wild side, but I think it’s telling me not to let go because being domesticated is so mundane. I really don’t know what to say, I tend to remember my really important dreams and perhaps this is telling me to be in touch with my wild side and forget my inhibitions so I can really experience life.

It feels like a warning, never to be someone’s pet, follow your instincts, don’t loose your nature when living within the bounds of society. I really thought the pig was cute and it was so strange to how I washed away it’s natural markings for a domestic pink. It didn’t really struggle it just mostly asked why I was washing this away.

It’s like taking a shower and washing off the day, but I think society does more than just coat our skin, it tells us we can’t do things, magick doesn’t exist, Christianity is the only path, live to work, the world brainwashes us until we are socially acceptable like a domesticated pig.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Mixing Politics with Religion and Instant Gatification

I was thinking about my old friend and the cruelest words he ever said to me, ‘A liberal-Christian is a Christian who doesn't have any beliefs.’ The fact was I did believe in God but I interpreted the Bible differently, because I realized most of it was just opinion written down, an age ago, by men. I don’t mean to bash men, in fact I think they are the luckiest beings in existence, especially when they have to deal with an intelligent woman.

My question is why is there so much attention on mixing religion and politics? Not all Christians are Republican and not all Pagans are Democrat, that is political stereotyping and it’s wrong. I just wanted to worship God and believe prostitution and drugs should be legalized, but when most Christians heard my views they labeled me as a radical feminist-liberal-Democrat-wiener and attempted to right my beliefs to the proper order.

In reality I don’t consider myself as a real liberal, I want people to own guns, I want the government to butt out of private affairs, I want politicians to vote for the good of the whole and not themselves, but I want health care, I want to legalize illegal substances to pay off Americas deficit, I want my car to run on a dream, I want my freedoms damnit and that’s that.

Honestly, I don’t know what category I fit into, you could say I’m Libertarian, a very enlightened concept, but like Communism, when people are involved it fails horribly. People are greedy and selfish, I don’t blame this on an evil force, but American upbringing has gone to a very dark place, where everything is met with instant gratification and a whine.

I’m bad, I want instant gratification too, but working in retail has altered my thoughts quite a bit because I have seen a side of humanity, the IwantthisnowexactlyhowIwantitandthecustomerisalwaysright! side. Instant doesn’t exist, it takes time for things to grow, like my garden, and I am so lucky I learned the lessons of using my hands and smashing my fingers with tolls through the blood and dirt of shoveling.

This instant quick satisfaction also affects politics because we the people don’t see much into the future beyond four years, especially young people, if they vote at all. I’ve voted in every election from presidential to local, except for California’s May thing, and I’m proud. But when I speak to others my age, they blow it off with an anarchist attitude and then complain about their government…stupid. Not all of my age group is like this, but holy-flying-monkey-farts, if you want to change something, google it and then vote on it please!

Nobody wants to do anything anymore and it frustrated me to no end because I’m a natural fighter for my beliefs and rights to a bitter end. This instant gratification is ruining our humanity, nature is, humans are, everything runs on its own schedule, but we humans keep on trying to alter things, speed up, got to school, work and die, that’s it! I don’t want to live life for instant then I’m done with it, I want to live life like a Native American, but with air conditioning and good health care, where the sun is the clock and the seasons move slowly and effortlessly, where everything blends like a beautiful painting.

Whose with me? Who wants to live life to the seasons and not seconds? Who wants to think a head and learn from the past? Who wants to change this world for the better?

Blessed be.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Ghosts, Past Lives and Moving Out....Probably Never

I haven’t been dreaming, well that’s impossible, so I haven’t been remembering my dreams, probably because I’m up too late and I laze about my bed, before I get up. It kind of hurts me, because I know my dreams hold the key to my past and future, so I feel lost sometimes. However, when I do remember my dreams they are stunning and important, so maybe I haven’t had any dreams of note lately.

I wonder sometimes if I’m just a new soul model, mundane, without any prior experience to guide myself though life, I would hate that fate, but I have no control over it. Why are new sols necessary anyway? If there are literally billions to choose from why are blank slates being created? Have that many souls decided to live in a permanent paradise? How many souls are blank slates at this very moment?

From the dreams I can remember I’ve never had any sort of past life dream, unless if it was on another planet, yes they were weird. So, as of right now, I can assume I’m a blank slate too. To be honest I lead a boring life so I would hate to dream about my life, it would be like watching a foreign film with bad actors.

So, my sister finally spoke to the entity and she laid down some ground rules, thank goodness, I don’t have to banish it. Phew, I just don’t need the responsibility at the moment. I didn’t need the thought of it wanting revenge hanging over my head until the day I die.

As a child I believe I used to see spirits, but after fear invaded my mind my powers became almost non-existent. I have to stop doubting myself and accept my once-gift with a passion. It’s going to take a long time and it’s probably best not to explore it too much in this house because it’s filled with negativity.

Assumedly my home was build in about 1909, the foundation at least, more was added in the 1940s and the 1980s. I can still remember pushing my tricycle through the halls of construction. The people who lived in the house before us seemed nice, but I think most of the energies are from us, especially my mother. In fact I sleep in my parents old bedroom.

My mother has deep issues involving her health, family, sexual assault and general anger. She radiates hatred, pain and she is an absolute control freak. For example, she is serving dinner and I told her ‘I can serve myself, I’m not five, so sit down and relax.’ It’s painful for her to stand with her loosing half her foot to diabetes, but, she yells, ‘Five to forty-five I’m going to serve if I want to serve!’


I left her to her servitude. So you can see how my mother is the center for any negative impact in this house. I need to move out…

Blessed Be.

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Spirit Around My House

Well I salted my sister’s room and gave her a pendent bag with obsidian, quartz and granite. It should help her feel protected and keep the entity at bay. Angel and I did some tarot and it seemed to point out Hillary’s, my sister, rejection of her powers and how she needs to deal with this female spirit who is watching her.

Obviously, she is there for a reason, I can only hope we can find out why and she will leave peacefully. If it doesn’t go well I have Angel and Sherman here to back me up if it gets too ugly.

I wonder if I’m ready for my powers to come back, I used to see entities too and they didn’t really scare me until I started to watch horror movies like The Ring and stuff. I also believe I used to be able to have prophetic dreams of some sort. All I can do now is hope I can use my abilities for good, whatever they maybe.

Ouija Anyone?

Yesterday I and my friends, went to San Francisco and Santa Cruz and bought a bunch of supplies. At the end of the day I showed my friends my garden and a spot where we think an “entity” hangs out.

She reveals herself to be a she and follows my sister from the street. Sherman, one of my friends, stated that it might be trapped somehow because of all the cracks in the street. Angel, my other friend, could feel something and suggested we have an ouija session at the nearby park. My sister also came because she seemed to be able to sense the entity.

At the park we called for a guide, but it was short lived and out totems came out to protect us. We moved the session to a bench and decided to call on the entity itself. We think it came, but who knows with ouija boards.

It seemed to have a short attention span and it said it was an nature spirit of some kind. It wants something, but didn’t tell us what. After many short sessions with this entity, a man, Steve, was walking is dogs and asked what we were doing, we told him an ouija board and asked to join.

Steve was very funny and his dogs were nice. We had one another spirit call him a douche-bag and we were laughing so hard. After he left we decided to pack up and I took Angel and Sherman home.

At home I couldn’t sleep that well and tried to imagine a force around me, but every noise kept me awake. I don’t think this entity wants to harm anyone, but I want it gone, because it won’t talk to us and it’s just creepy. Sherman suggested a XXX sign in brick dust and a statement of banishment with no loopholes, because it would make us pay later.

I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with ghosts, spirits or anything else right now, but I think my third eye is trying to break out because my head seems to hurt all the time, so maybe it is time for me to realize my full potential. But I’m scared and I don’t think there is weakness in that, it shows caution.

All I can do is look for the support of my friends and burn some frankincense, cedar and call on the goddess. Nothing can enter into my home without my permission, I just need to remember that and I should get some sleep tonight.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Out in the Garden

I went out into my garden today and it's so beautiful. I just needed a break away from my computer because I may be a modern Wiccan, but I can’t forget all the birds and plants waiting for me to nurture them and honor them outside.

So I laid out there on my grass mat and began to mediate on the plants, the birds, the wind…everything working with the heartbeat of the goddess and god. It was amazing just to watch the leaves wave in the wind saying hello. Everything was moving so fast and slow at the same time, all I could to is relax and let my chakras glow.

I’ve been practicing lighting up my chakras, I don’t know if it makes much of a difference, but my third-eye always seems to be in some sort of achy pain. Is something trying to escape? Maybe the abilities I lost as a child…who knows?

I also found a feather in my garden, waiting for me like a gift from the air spirits, I took it inside on my alter. Also my cat pie seems to be acting funny lately. He come into my room, meows and then leads me outside…I have no idea why, maybe he was trying to guide me so I could experience nature today. I should do it everyday!

I remember as a child how I used to play for hours outside imaging far off adventures, I was lucky to have a large backyard. It seems so far away now, but I remember the magick taking place in my mind to make my dreams a reality. Honesty is lost as we grow older, mainly to keep ourselves from being hurt. I’m often told I will be killed if I don’t keep to myself, I ignore it and have been in hard trouble before.

Trouble seems to find me and my big mouth but I think the extroverts are just as important as the introverts. I know the quiet ones work behind the scenes, but without the mouthpieces everything would be a silent scream within closed doors.

I’m also debating on doing a podcast. It wouldn’t always be about witchy stuff because nobody in the Pagan community is just pagan, they are people too with ordinary problems. I have opinions about everything, somebody might want to share them right?

Ghosts and Rituals

My sister has seen this spirit waiting outside of the house ever since she was little, I used to see spirits, but the gift left me around the age of nine or so. I’m a little thankful for it because horror movies just tend to freak me out and I tend to stay up holding a knife all night.
This is also similar for my sister. When she feels the woman, she cannot sleep sometimes, often has her light on and can feel the stare beyond closed doors. I feel horrible and I’ve smudged the house twice now, but I think we need to find out what this woman wants and ask her to leave. Maybe she is just trying to send a message, war us, or just leave some advice.
We need to confront her because she needs to move on and we would like to get some sleep. I’m thankful for my cats, because I believe they keep much of the spirits at bay. I can only hope that Luna will guide me.
Oh yea, I promised to tell you about my Elemental Ritual, well it just didn’t go very well at the beach because there were beer bottles everywhere, the scent of urine and there were just too many people. Also I was focused so much on keeping the fire going I couldn’t concentrate on meditation or the chant. So in the end I left to go home and preformed a small ritual there.
I think it worked a little bit, but I was tired and rushed so I guess I’ll have to try it again when I feel more relaxed.

Blessed Be.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Working with the Elements

Elements are everywhere, fire, air, water, earth, and they all nourish each other, fire needs air to burn, earth needs water to feed the plants. They are also associated with directions:

They are also in our birth sings. For example, my sun-sign is Libra and my moon-sign is Taurus, Libra-Taurus, Air-Earth, polar opposites. I usually accept my sun-sign more because I was born at 3 pm. Air, I'm blond, but that is beside the point because I think I was only an air as a child.

I was free-spirited, happy, floating about but it was squashed quickly because I had to fight for mental survival in my own home. I could not be a free-spirited, intellectual child anymore, I had to become a fighter or die. So my personality developed in fire aspects.

I still hold some air qualities, good student, artistic, loves to write, aspires to learn and teach, also I retain my earth qualities, stubborn, loves food, likes to work with hands, but I am imbalanced so often I retain the negative qualities of the elements, like not thinking before speaking, burning bridged, over indulging, overly emotional, the list goes on. I need balance in my life and I would love to reconnect fully with my sign qualities, because I really don't need to fight with fire too much anymore, so I have a chance to rediscover my born elements.

I'm going to the beach on Monday on a waning crescent moon, a good time for new beginnings and healing, and I've wrote a chant. I'll tell you how it goes after the ritual.

Do not define the divine.

How dare you try to define the divine? How do you know? The answer is I don’t, but as long as you follow a good path it doesn’t matter what you call god as long as you believe there is one.

This is the revelation my fiancé and I had tonight after fighting for hours against and for Christianity. I tried to explain how I felt about Christianity and how the book itself is incorrect, even if Jesus was awesome. He called me book dependent and I said that’s another reason why I’m leaving Christianity, there is no book in Wicca and there is no absolutes on the god or goddess which is how it’s supposed to be.

The god and goddess are infinite and thusly the interpretations of them can be infinite, this is why there is an issue with monotheism, it’s not that one god isn’t ok, but you try to fir an infinite being into a small box. So finally Brian sees how both religions can work together, because we are all students in our faiths.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Not Ready to Come Out

My fiance and I are having issues because of this new transition I'm going through. The first words he said to me were, "I can't believe an intelligent person can believe in this. You're crazy." He may have apologized, but he said it and it hurt. Currently I'm having 'Jesus' belief difficulties because if I believe Jesus was the Son of God then I have to believe in the Christian version of God, and I don't. I've decided that Jesus was a real person, with profound knowledge about the divine and was seen as the Messiah by the Jews, but he wasn't, he just said God was his Father, and I think that was from within not literally.

Christians often take ideas too literally or personally at times and forget the common practice of loving your neighbor as yourself. I believe he does love me, but I also want someone to share my journey with me not fight me or keep silent. Recently I have not felt the same about our relationship, I'm unsatisfied and haven't been to lonely without him, maybe it's time for me to move on and find someone I can share with, but not too soon, I need to heal and discover what life is for myself.

I can't help seeing the faults in Christianity and fighting against it all the time. I can't help what I felt and the happiness I'm feeling right now. And I can't deny his rejections to my experience, naming them temptations and his refusal to search and understand what I'm saying. Love is about moving mountains for each other and when one is willing to do so and the other is not, it isn't love it's taking advantage.

I'm changing and will continue to change regardless because time stops for no one.

Blessed Be.

Remembering Dreams

I only remember a few of my dreams, but most of them are lost within my subconscious never to return. I've had dreams of talking horses, being stuck in a bathroom, kissing former boyfriends/crushes, running away on trains filled with sentient animals, visiting another world where a tribe was at war, ready to kill...I always wish I could remember my dreams better so I could learn from them or discover a past life, so I will be focusing on my meditation and try to assist with incense and stones to improve psychic ability.

I just beleive my dreams are important and feel like I'm missing out.

Blessed Be.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Making Incense is Painful

I have this really informative book, The Complete Book of Incense, Oils and Brews Scott Cunningham, and I really like it, it actually teaches you basic herb properties and how to make everything you need in your magickal life. In my first esbat, on July 7, 2009, I used one of Cunningham's' altar incense' and I think it worked wonderfully. However, last night it was a different story, I haven't been sleeping very well, so I decided to make myself a sleep assist, but it turned into a dream incense because I didn't have all the ingredients needed or the replacements the book says you can use.

So I decided to make:
2 part dried rose petals
2 parts lavender
and one part Cedar

This was still altered because I didn't have the lavender or rose oil I needed. So I set it up on my alter and tried to light the self-igniting charcoal, but it just wouldn't light. I kept burning my fingers hoping it would light the thing, but it would just spark for a few seconds and fizzle out. So I tried lighting a different one and still nothing, I tried putting sage oil on top, nothing, I tried setting it on fire, nothing.

The brand I used was Instant Swift-Light Charcoal and it failed. I probably bought a bad batch, but I'm going to buy the organic Charcoal next time for 25 cents more. It was so frustrating to make the incense that it made me even more tired, so I guess it succeeded it helping me sleep even with burnt fingers.

I probably will try again because I've never been able to remember my dreams really well and I would like to see if this helps me remember my dreams. I do remember one dream in particular with the a totem animal the horse in it.

I was on a journey through a zany version of my neighborhood stuck in my dad's BMW in first gear picking up adopted cousins and sisters, until I reach my home where all the cars from the neighborhood are there. One man tells me they are re-drawing the property lines and I head to my back yard where a horse is standing by an apple tree. "I'm looking for my mother's van, it's black, have you seen it?"
"It went that way." The horse said to me and I look to see car tracks leading into a deep wood. I thank the horse and went about my way, letting him eat the apples off the tree.

I toughly believe it was a dream to tell me, "Your going on a journey." I was, but I didn't know it yet. All the research I did about the Christian God lead me to this path of discovery and I hope I at least entertained you for a while.

Blessed Be

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Who am I?

My magickal name is Shadow Moon and I'm going to tell you about my new found practice of Wicca. If you don't know what Wicca is there are plenty of websites you can go to, one of them is Wicca:For the Rest of Us at . It has some down to earth articles about what Wicca is and isn't.

Some of you may have been taught that Wicca is a byproduct of Satanism, this is simply not true. It is a religion created about fifty years ago by a man named Gerald Gardner when he published a book titled Witchcraft Today in 1954. He supposedly met some witches in Dorset, England, and they called themselves the New Forest Coven. He wanted to preserve their tradition and wrote the book based on their practice.

Wicca maybe an ancient idea, but it isn't an unbroken chain, mainly because information was destroyed during the Burning Times. During this time witches, mostly women, and other outcasts like the Jews, were tortured in the name of the Christian God. This happened all over Europe and even in America at the famous Salem Witch Trials.

Christianity was used to gain money, power and control over the many Pagan cultures still practicing in 18th century Europe. They often used Pagan gods and goddesses in efforts to convert also. For example the Celtic poetry muse goddess, Brigid, is also the Saint Brigid in Catholicism. Also Saint Patrick did not cast out snakes in Ireland, in fact there never were any, it was a direct symbol of the Druids, another nature based Pagan practice, being chased out of their native home. So you can see Christians had to make Pagans Satan worshipers because they were a threat to the Catholic Church.

In Wicca there is no Satan, instead there is a god and goddess, Lord and Lady, who are symbolized through nature and ritual, giving life and birth to the universe. Everything contains these sacred energies, including you and me, and with these energies we can preform magick and ritual with the god and goddess.

The god and goddess themselves have many faces: Luna, Isis, Selene, Freya, Brigid, Athena, Diana, Zeus, Hades, Saturn, Horas...and thousands more, but they are all of the god and goddess. Some just follow a a general form of the god or goddess and others take god and goddess' who reflect on them, empower them and inspire them. I keep it simple and follow a very organic form of the god or goddess, using their basic energies to aid me.

Wiccans do have a moral code, the simplest form is "Do what ye will, but harm ye none." The actual Rede is longer, but this is the gist. It's important that you understand Wicca is not a free for all practice full of angry teenagers hexing each other during study hall. This is a Hollywood version of the Craft, not the real version, which it true for almost any television show. So instead of looking to television you should read up on the Craft and go to places like to communicate with Wiccans and other Pagans.

Some Wiccans are solitary and others join a coven. There is some controversy about this, but I honestly beleive the god and goddess don't care as long as your intentions are pure. Covens are groups of people, usually men and women, who practice rituals and some spells together, which is awesome because when so many are focused on a goal it's truly a spiritual power trip. When in a Coven a newly dedicated will go through a year and a day of study, as reference to the time it took Cerridwen, a Welsh legendary witch, to make her potion, after which they will be officially apart of the Coven and can continue through two more years of study to eventually become a Priest/Priestess of the god and goddess.

In the solitary, you are the motivation for the study, you are the Priest/Priestess for the rituals, it still takes alot of work and even if you do work hard you are often not recognized by an official Coven, despite your knowledge of the Craft.

There are also many tools and practices attributed to Wicca, but I'm going to let you look those up for yourself, because I'm in no way qualified and you should never trust what anyone tells you. Do your own research, teach yourself, and follow your own path.

As to why I became a Wiccan, or at least studying to be, I played in nature as a child and felt content with my Christian faith, but this was before I completely understood how twisted people can make a religion. I saw Christianity as a suppressing religion to women of intelligence and my personal views just twisted the arms of Christians at times. I tried to conform, but despite my research into the Bible through Valley Christian High School, I discovered the Christian God was not my god.

So I spent my teenage years searching for something unobtainable and began to progress into role-playing-games like Werewolf: the Apocalypse which focused on a goddess named Luna. It may sound a little weird, but I beleive the goddess reached out to me thought a RPG. After a while I met some Wiccans and realized how similar our thoughts were: we wanted equality of the sexes, were liberal, environmentally conscious, every idea just clicked together.

I read their books, like Solitary Witch, and discovered what Wicca offered to me was everything I was searching for. I gladly took up every book on Wicca I could find and began to study. The library is a great resource for books on the cheap. I'll give you a list of Wicca 101 suggestion at th end.

It wasn't until about my fifth month of study where I decided to do my first esbat , a ritual you preform for each full moon, sabbats are rituals concerning the equinox and such, more on that later, or just look it up. Anyway, I snuck out of my room around midnight with my candles and other tools in hand and began my ritual to honor the god and goddess under the moonlight. I cast a circle of protection and asked the four directions, South-fire, East-air, West-water and North-earth to assist and witness my rite.

Luckily it wasn't too cold as I sat awkwardly in my flower garden I chanted for the goddess to endow me with wisdom, peace, harmony... as the fire burned atop candles, and the ensence billowed out of the small cauldron. I was scared my parents were going to find out and throw me to the Christian wolves, but finally I relaxed and I left my body in a trance.

I floated about my large backyard and saw a silver and black Asian dragon circle around the full moon in a misty dance and then Luna came down to see me. She was beautiful, white silvery hair waving weightlessly as her pregnant form glided to me. Her silver robes sparkled and her eyes were a bright as diamonds. She asked me to come with her and she told me everything on this planet consisted of both male and female energies, and I mustn't forget that. She treated me like her long lost child, calling me little one and I asked her to bestow a magickal name.

A magickal name, or Craft name, is a name you can choose to personify your self in rituals or spells. It can be public or private and should be chosen carefully. There is nothing wrong with changing your magickal name, because everyone grows, but switching from this to that is silly and disrespectful. My name is Shadow Moon and it was given to me by the goddess in the form of Luna and she said herself it would change and grow, but for now, because I have to hide, Shadow Moon is my name.

Books I recommend:

The Spiral Dance by Starhawk

Wicca: A Guide For the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

Animal Magick by D.J. Conway

Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler

The Complete Book of Incense, Oils and Brews Scott Cunningham

Book of Shadows by Phyllis Curott

The Alphabet Versus the Goddess by Leonard Shlain

The Everything Paganism Book

Pagans & Christians : the personal spiritual experience by Gus diZerega.

The complete idiot's guide to Wicca and Witchcraft

Wicca for beginners : fundamentals of philosophy & practice by Thea Sabin

21st century Wicca : a young witch's guide to living the magical life by Jennifer Hunter

If you have any questions please e-mail me at

Blessed be.

New Path: Wicca

Merry Meet,

I would like to introduce myself as Shadow Moon and I'm a newly practicing Wiccan. I'm not here to teach but I would love for you to join me on my journey through my progress in the practice of Wicca.

I'm keeping this short because it's late, 5 am, and I'm very tired. I promise I'll write a longer post later explaining what lead me to this path.

Blessed be,
Shadow Moon