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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Ghosts, Past Lives and Moving Out....Probably Never

I haven’t been dreaming, well that’s impossible, so I haven’t been remembering my dreams, probably because I’m up too late and I laze about my bed, before I get up. It kind of hurts me, because I know my dreams hold the key to my past and future, so I feel lost sometimes. However, when I do remember my dreams they are stunning and important, so maybe I haven’t had any dreams of note lately.

I wonder sometimes if I’m just a new soul model, mundane, without any prior experience to guide myself though life, I would hate that fate, but I have no control over it. Why are new sols necessary anyway? If there are literally billions to choose from why are blank slates being created? Have that many souls decided to live in a permanent paradise? How many souls are blank slates at this very moment?

From the dreams I can remember I’ve never had any sort of past life dream, unless if it was on another planet, yes they were weird. So, as of right now, I can assume I’m a blank slate too. To be honest I lead a boring life so I would hate to dream about my life, it would be like watching a foreign film with bad actors.

So, my sister finally spoke to the entity and she laid down some ground rules, thank goodness, I don’t have to banish it. Phew, I just don’t need the responsibility at the moment. I didn’t need the thought of it wanting revenge hanging over my head until the day I die.

As a child I believe I used to see spirits, but after fear invaded my mind my powers became almost non-existent. I have to stop doubting myself and accept my once-gift with a passion. It’s going to take a long time and it’s probably best not to explore it too much in this house because it’s filled with negativity.

Assumedly my home was build in about 1909, the foundation at least, more was added in the 1940s and the 1980s. I can still remember pushing my tricycle through the halls of construction. The people who lived in the house before us seemed nice, but I think most of the energies are from us, especially my mother. In fact I sleep in my parents old bedroom.

My mother has deep issues involving her health, family, sexual assault and general anger. She radiates hatred, pain and she is an absolute control freak. For example, she is serving dinner and I told her ‘I can serve myself, I’m not five, so sit down and relax.’ It’s painful for her to stand with her loosing half her foot to diabetes, but, she yells, ‘Five to forty-five I’m going to serve if I want to serve!’

WTF?

I left her to her servitude. So you can see how my mother is the center for any negative impact in this house. I need to move out…

Blessed Be.

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Spirit Around My House

Well I salted my sister’s room and gave her a pendent bag with obsidian, quartz and granite. It should help her feel protected and keep the entity at bay. Angel and I did some tarot and it seemed to point out Hillary’s, my sister, rejection of her powers and how she needs to deal with this female spirit who is watching her.

Obviously, she is there for a reason, I can only hope we can find out why and she will leave peacefully. If it doesn’t go well I have Angel and Sherman here to back me up if it gets too ugly.

I wonder if I’m ready for my powers to come back, I used to see entities too and they didn’t really scare me until I started to watch horror movies like The Ring and stuff. I also believe I used to be able to have prophetic dreams of some sort. All I can do now is hope I can use my abilities for good, whatever they maybe.

Ouija Anyone?

Yesterday I and my friends, went to San Francisco and Santa Cruz and bought a bunch of supplies. At the end of the day I showed my friends my garden and a spot where we think an “entity” hangs out.

She reveals herself to be a she and follows my sister from the street. Sherman, one of my friends, stated that it might be trapped somehow because of all the cracks in the street. Angel, my other friend, could feel something and suggested we have an ouija session at the nearby park. My sister also came because she seemed to be able to sense the entity.

At the park we called for a guide, but it was short lived and out totems came out to protect us. We moved the session to a bench and decided to call on the entity itself. We think it came, but who knows with ouija boards.

It seemed to have a short attention span and it said it was an nature spirit of some kind. It wants something, but didn’t tell us what. After many short sessions with this entity, a man, Steve, was walking is dogs and asked what we were doing, we told him an ouija board and asked to join.

Steve was very funny and his dogs were nice. We had one another spirit call him a douche-bag and we were laughing so hard. After he left we decided to pack up and I took Angel and Sherman home.

At home I couldn’t sleep that well and tried to imagine a force around me, but every noise kept me awake. I don’t think this entity wants to harm anyone, but I want it gone, because it won’t talk to us and it’s just creepy. Sherman suggested a XXX sign in brick dust and a statement of banishment with no loopholes, because it would make us pay later.

I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with ghosts, spirits or anything else right now, but I think my third eye is trying to break out because my head seems to hurt all the time, so maybe it is time for me to realize my full potential. But I’m scared and I don’t think there is weakness in that, it shows caution.

All I can do is look for the support of my friends and burn some frankincense, cedar and call on the goddess. Nothing can enter into my home without my permission, I just need to remember that and I should get some sleep tonight.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Out in the Garden

I went out into my garden today and it's so beautiful. I just needed a break away from my computer because I may be a modern Wiccan, but I can’t forget all the birds and plants waiting for me to nurture them and honor them outside.

So I laid out there on my grass mat and began to mediate on the plants, the birds, the wind…everything working with the heartbeat of the goddess and god. It was amazing just to watch the leaves wave in the wind saying hello. Everything was moving so fast and slow at the same time, all I could to is relax and let my chakras glow.

I’ve been practicing lighting up my chakras, I don’t know if it makes much of a difference, but my third-eye always seems to be in some sort of achy pain. Is something trying to escape? Maybe the abilities I lost as a child…who knows?

I also found a feather in my garden, waiting for me like a gift from the air spirits, I took it inside on my alter. Also my cat pie seems to be acting funny lately. He come into my room, meows and then leads me outside…I have no idea why, maybe he was trying to guide me so I could experience nature today. I should do it everyday!

I remember as a child how I used to play for hours outside imaging far off adventures, I was lucky to have a large backyard. It seems so far away now, but I remember the magick taking place in my mind to make my dreams a reality. Honesty is lost as we grow older, mainly to keep ourselves from being hurt. I’m often told I will be killed if I don’t keep to myself, I ignore it and have been in hard trouble before.

Trouble seems to find me and my big mouth but I think the extroverts are just as important as the introverts. I know the quiet ones work behind the scenes, but without the mouthpieces everything would be a silent scream within closed doors.

I’m also debating on doing a podcast. It wouldn’t always be about witchy stuff because nobody in the Pagan community is just pagan, they are people too with ordinary problems. I have opinions about everything, somebody might want to share them right?

Ghosts and Rituals

My sister has seen this spirit waiting outside of the house ever since she was little, I used to see spirits, but the gift left me around the age of nine or so. I’m a little thankful for it because horror movies just tend to freak me out and I tend to stay up holding a knife all night.
This is also similar for my sister. When she feels the woman, she cannot sleep sometimes, often has her light on and can feel the stare beyond closed doors. I feel horrible and I’ve smudged the house twice now, but I think we need to find out what this woman wants and ask her to leave. Maybe she is just trying to send a message, war us, or just leave some advice.
We need to confront her because she needs to move on and we would like to get some sleep. I’m thankful for my cats, because I believe they keep much of the spirits at bay. I can only hope that Luna will guide me.
Oh yea, I promised to tell you about my Elemental Ritual, well it just didn’t go very well at the beach because there were beer bottles everywhere, the scent of urine and there were just too many people. Also I was focused so much on keeping the fire going I couldn’t concentrate on meditation or the chant. So in the end I left to go home and preformed a small ritual there.
I think it worked a little bit, but I was tired and rushed so I guess I’ll have to try it again when I feel more relaxed.

Blessed Be.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Working with the Elements

Elements are everywhere, fire, air, water, earth, and they all nourish each other, fire needs air to burn, earth needs water to feed the plants. They are also associated with directions:
Fire-South
Air-East
Water-West
Earth-North

They are also in our birth sings. For example, my sun-sign is Libra and my moon-sign is Taurus, Libra-Taurus, Air-Earth, polar opposites. I usually accept my sun-sign more because I was born at 3 pm. Air, I'm blond, but that is beside the point because I think I was only an air as a child.

I was free-spirited, happy, floating about but it was squashed quickly because I had to fight for mental survival in my own home. I could not be a free-spirited, intellectual child anymore, I had to become a fighter or die. So my personality developed in fire aspects.

I still hold some air qualities, good student, artistic, loves to write, aspires to learn and teach, also I retain my earth qualities, stubborn, loves food, likes to work with hands, but I am imbalanced so often I retain the negative qualities of the elements, like not thinking before speaking, burning bridged, over indulging, overly emotional, the list goes on. I need balance in my life and I would love to reconnect fully with my sign qualities, because I really don't need to fight with fire too much anymore, so I have a chance to rediscover my born elements.

I'm going to the beach on Monday on a waning crescent moon, a good time for new beginnings and healing, and I've wrote a chant. I'll tell you how it goes after the ritual.

Do not define the divine.

How dare you try to define the divine? How do you know? The answer is I don’t, but as long as you follow a good path it doesn’t matter what you call god as long as you believe there is one.

This is the revelation my fiancĂ© and I had tonight after fighting for hours against and for Christianity. I tried to explain how I felt about Christianity and how the book itself is incorrect, even if Jesus was awesome. He called me book dependent and I said that’s another reason why I’m leaving Christianity, there is no book in Wicca and there is no absolutes on the god or goddess which is how it’s supposed to be.

The god and goddess are infinite and thusly the interpretations of them can be infinite, this is why there is an issue with monotheism, it’s not that one god isn’t ok, but you try to fir an infinite being into a small box. So finally Brian sees how both religions can work together, because we are all students in our faiths.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Not Ready to Come Out

My fiance and I are having issues because of this new transition I'm going through. The first words he said to me were, "I can't believe an intelligent person can believe in this. You're crazy." He may have apologized, but he said it and it hurt. Currently I'm having 'Jesus' belief difficulties because if I believe Jesus was the Son of God then I have to believe in the Christian version of God, and I don't. I've decided that Jesus was a real person, with profound knowledge about the divine and was seen as the Messiah by the Jews, but he wasn't, he just said God was his Father, and I think that was from within not literally.

Christians often take ideas too literally or personally at times and forget the common practice of loving your neighbor as yourself. I believe he does love me, but I also want someone to share my journey with me not fight me or keep silent. Recently I have not felt the same about our relationship, I'm unsatisfied and haven't been to lonely without him, maybe it's time for me to move on and find someone I can share with, but not too soon, I need to heal and discover what life is for myself.

I can't help seeing the faults in Christianity and fighting against it all the time. I can't help what I felt and the happiness I'm feeling right now. And I can't deny his rejections to my experience, naming them temptations and his refusal to search and understand what I'm saying. Love is about moving mountains for each other and when one is willing to do so and the other is not, it isn't love it's taking advantage.

I'm changing and will continue to change regardless because time stops for no one.

Blessed Be.

Remembering Dreams

I only remember a few of my dreams, but most of them are lost within my subconscious never to return. I've had dreams of talking horses, being stuck in a bathroom, kissing former boyfriends/crushes, running away on trains filled with sentient animals, visiting another world where a tribe was at war, ready to kill...I always wish I could remember my dreams better so I could learn from them or discover a past life, so I will be focusing on my meditation and try to assist with incense and stones to improve psychic ability.

I just beleive my dreams are important and feel like I'm missing out.

Blessed Be.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Making Incense is Painful

I have this really informative book, The Complete Book of Incense, Oils and Brews Scott Cunningham, and I really like it, it actually teaches you basic herb properties and how to make everything you need in your magickal life. In my first esbat, on July 7, 2009, I used one of Cunningham's' altar incense' and I think it worked wonderfully. However, last night it was a different story, I haven't been sleeping very well, so I decided to make myself a sleep assist, but it turned into a dream incense because I didn't have all the ingredients needed or the replacements the book says you can use.

So I decided to make:
2 part dried rose petals
2 parts lavender
and one part Cedar

This was still altered because I didn't have the lavender or rose oil I needed. So I set it up on my alter and tried to light the self-igniting charcoal, but it just wouldn't light. I kept burning my fingers hoping it would light the thing, but it would just spark for a few seconds and fizzle out. So I tried lighting a different one and still nothing, I tried putting sage oil on top, nothing, I tried setting it on fire, nothing.

The brand I used was Instant Swift-Light Charcoal and it failed. I probably bought a bad batch, but I'm going to buy the organic Charcoal next time for 25 cents more. It was so frustrating to make the incense that it made me even more tired, so I guess it succeeded it helping me sleep even with burnt fingers.

I probably will try again because I've never been able to remember my dreams really well and I would like to see if this helps me remember my dreams. I do remember one dream in particular with the a totem animal the horse in it.

I was on a journey through a zany version of my neighborhood stuck in my dad's BMW in first gear picking up adopted cousins and sisters, until I reach my home where all the cars from the neighborhood are there. One man tells me they are re-drawing the property lines and I head to my back yard where a horse is standing by an apple tree. "I'm looking for my mother's van, it's black, have you seen it?"
"It went that way." The horse said to me and I look to see car tracks leading into a deep wood. I thank the horse and went about my way, letting him eat the apples off the tree.

I toughly believe it was a dream to tell me, "Your going on a journey." I was, but I didn't know it yet. All the research I did about the Christian God lead me to this path of discovery and I hope I at least entertained you for a while.

Blessed Be

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Who am I?

My magickal name is Shadow Moon and I'm going to tell you about my new found practice of Wicca. If you don't know what Wicca is there are plenty of websites you can go to, one of them is Wicca:For the Rest of Us at http://wicca.timerift.net/ . It has some down to earth articles about what Wicca is and isn't.

Some of you may have been taught that Wicca is a byproduct of Satanism, this is simply not true. It is a religion created about fifty years ago by a man named Gerald Gardner when he published a book titled Witchcraft Today in 1954. He supposedly met some witches in Dorset, England, and they called themselves the New Forest Coven. He wanted to preserve their tradition and wrote the book based on their practice.

Wicca maybe an ancient idea, but it isn't an unbroken chain, mainly because information was destroyed during the Burning Times. During this time witches, mostly women, and other outcasts like the Jews, were tortured in the name of the Christian God. This happened all over Europe and even in America at the famous Salem Witch Trials.

Christianity was used to gain money, power and control over the many Pagan cultures still practicing in 18th century Europe. They often used Pagan gods and goddesses in efforts to convert also. For example the Celtic poetry muse goddess, Brigid, is also the Saint Brigid in Catholicism. Also Saint Patrick did not cast out snakes in Ireland, in fact there never were any, it was a direct symbol of the Druids, another nature based Pagan practice, being chased out of their native home. So you can see Christians had to make Pagans Satan worshipers because they were a threat to the Catholic Church.

In Wicca there is no Satan, instead there is a god and goddess, Lord and Lady, who are symbolized through nature and ritual, giving life and birth to the universe. Everything contains these sacred energies, including you and me, and with these energies we can preform magick and ritual with the god and goddess.

The god and goddess themselves have many faces: Luna, Isis, Selene, Freya, Brigid, Athena, Diana, Zeus, Hades, Saturn, Horas...and thousands more, but they are all of the god and goddess. Some just follow a a general form of the god or goddess and others take god and goddess' who reflect on them, empower them and inspire them. I keep it simple and follow a very organic form of the god or goddess, using their basic energies to aid me.

Wiccans do have a moral code, the simplest form is "Do what ye will, but harm ye none." The actual Rede is longer, but this is the gist. It's important that you understand Wicca is not a free for all practice full of angry teenagers hexing each other during study hall. This is a Hollywood version of the Craft, not the real version, which it true for almost any television show. So instead of looking to television you should read up on the Craft and go to places like panganspace.net to communicate with Wiccans and other Pagans.

Some Wiccans are solitary and others join a coven. There is some controversy about this, but I honestly beleive the god and goddess don't care as long as your intentions are pure. Covens are groups of people, usually men and women, who practice rituals and some spells together, which is awesome because when so many are focused on a goal it's truly a spiritual power trip. When in a Coven a newly dedicated will go through a year and a day of study, as reference to the time it took Cerridwen, a Welsh legendary witch, to make her potion, after which they will be officially apart of the Coven and can continue through two more years of study to eventually become a Priest/Priestess of the god and goddess.

In the solitary, you are the motivation for the study, you are the Priest/Priestess for the rituals, it still takes alot of work and even if you do work hard you are often not recognized by an official Coven, despite your knowledge of the Craft.

There are also many tools and practices attributed to Wicca, but I'm going to let you look those up for yourself, because I'm in no way qualified and you should never trust what anyone tells you. Do your own research, teach yourself, and follow your own path.

As to why I became a Wiccan, or at least studying to be, I played in nature as a child and felt content with my Christian faith, but this was before I completely understood how twisted people can make a religion. I saw Christianity as a suppressing religion to women of intelligence and my personal views just twisted the arms of Christians at times. I tried to conform, but despite my research into the Bible through Valley Christian High School, I discovered the Christian God was not my god.

So I spent my teenage years searching for something unobtainable and began to progress into role-playing-games like Werewolf: the Apocalypse which focused on a goddess named Luna. It may sound a little weird, but I beleive the goddess reached out to me thought a RPG. After a while I met some Wiccans and realized how similar our thoughts were: we wanted equality of the sexes, were liberal, environmentally conscious, every idea just clicked together.

I read their books, like Solitary Witch, and discovered what Wicca offered to me was everything I was searching for. I gladly took up every book on Wicca I could find and began to study. The library is a great resource for books on the cheap. I'll give you a list of Wicca 101 suggestion at th end.

It wasn't until about my fifth month of study where I decided to do my first esbat , a ritual you preform for each full moon, sabbats are rituals concerning the equinox and such, more on that later, or just look it up. Anyway, I snuck out of my room around midnight with my candles and other tools in hand and began my ritual to honor the god and goddess under the moonlight. I cast a circle of protection and asked the four directions, South-fire, East-air, West-water and North-earth to assist and witness my rite.

Luckily it wasn't too cold as I sat awkwardly in my flower garden I chanted for the goddess to endow me with wisdom, peace, harmony... as the fire burned atop candles, and the ensence billowed out of the small cauldron. I was scared my parents were going to find out and throw me to the Christian wolves, but finally I relaxed and I left my body in a trance.

I floated about my large backyard and saw a silver and black Asian dragon circle around the full moon in a misty dance and then Luna came down to see me. She was beautiful, white silvery hair waving weightlessly as her pregnant form glided to me. Her silver robes sparkled and her eyes were a bright as diamonds. She asked me to come with her and she told me everything on this planet consisted of both male and female energies, and I mustn't forget that. She treated me like her long lost child, calling me little one and I asked her to bestow a magickal name.

A magickal name, or Craft name, is a name you can choose to personify your self in rituals or spells. It can be public or private and should be chosen carefully. There is nothing wrong with changing your magickal name, because everyone grows, but switching from this to that is silly and disrespectful. My name is Shadow Moon and it was given to me by the goddess in the form of Luna and she said herself it would change and grow, but for now, because I have to hide, Shadow Moon is my name.

Books I recommend:

The Spiral Dance by Starhawk

Wicca: A Guide For the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

Animal Magick by D.J. Conway

Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler

The Complete Book of Incense, Oils and Brews Scott Cunningham

Book of Shadows by Phyllis Curott

The Alphabet Versus the Goddess by Leonard Shlain

The Everything Paganism Book

Pagans & Christians : the personal spiritual experience by Gus diZerega.

The complete idiot's guide to Wicca and Witchcraft

Wicca for beginners : fundamentals of philosophy & practice by Thea Sabin

21st century Wicca : a young witch's guide to living the magical life by Jennifer Hunter

If you have any questions please e-mail me at shadowmoonofluna@gmail.com

Blessed be.

New Path: Wicca

Merry Meet,

I would like to introduce myself as Shadow Moon and I'm a newly practicing Wiccan. I'm not here to teach but I would love for you to join me on my journey through my progress in the practice of Wicca.

I'm keeping this short because it's late, 5 am, and I'm very tired. I promise I'll write a longer post later explaining what lead me to this path.

Blessed be,
Shadow Moon