Lost in Religion

Am I slowly becoming an Atheist?

I have done so much research into so many religions, and still need to do more of course, and thought I found Wicca to be mine, but it's not really.  I hardly follow any of the holidays of esbats and my alter is in complete shambles.

Perhaps it is from pure laziness, but I think structured religion of any sort isn't for me.  I can feel the spirituality of the earth and plants, but I feel like I waste too much energy trying to connect.  I rather focus on my art and make it my religious experience.

by Purnima Koli

With this lack of motivation in keeping a traditional Wiccan calendar I think I need to stop wasting my energy looking for spirituality and just let it happen naturally though my art.  This could be a newfound magick for me, perhaps I just need to stop neglecting it.

I know there are witches out there who have no religious connection, perhaps this is the path for me, considering there is nothing invalid about perusing your art and making a soulful connection to the world, I find a special solace rather than panic in evolving my perspective on the many paths people take spiritually.

Honestly, the words, the practice, the calendar never sat well with me, but I tried and explored, however I feel hallow when I shallowly try and have decided to let my heart take me where I should be.

I will not stop posting, but the journey has changed.

Days With the Kids

This is kind of what I saw

When I nanny for one of my families, their daughter, Maple, is one of the most creative and free individuals I have ever met.  One of the most memorable moments is when we were playing with a bucket full of bubbles and when the bubbles flew up into the clear sky she says, "When they go up they  turn into stars!"

Her smile is wide with laughter and she continues to spin around making the bubbles appear in the air.

I remember being a creative child with my My Little Ponies creating stories, but my childhood was stunted with an abusive mother and I was a fighter.  I did not have an authentic childhood and maybe this is why I love working with children, I can experience my childhood.

Children are amazing because they view the world without the same burdens adults have.

I remember as a child I you saw shadow people around my house at night, I never told my parents, not because they were Christian, but I didn't trust them.  I'm sad to think how I lost my ability to see the spiritual realm, but I'm trying to gain it back.

It is a considerable question about if I truly want to see shadow people again and open myself up to more spirits.  It can be a truly terrifying experience even if you have a gift and are prepared for it.  All I can really do is work at it and hope for the best.

Poem: Deep and Missing Pie

This poem came to me while I was meditating last night. I was focusing my energy into finding my missing cat Pie. I think it might be about how I'm pulling away from life outside of finding Pie and how my soul feels empty without him in my life. He is just so dear to me, he literally was almost born on my head.

I'm hoping my water scrying was accurate and maybe he will be coming back soon. But who really knows, I might be wrong and maybe it was a message for me to realize he has moved on.


My soul is a cave
dark, quiet,
sunlight is unknown

Like water,
everything is still
ebbing away at the walls
dripping down solid cones

There is life here,
blind, surviving
on the black quiet

Light will come
through the cracks
slowly creeping
its cautious beams

But everything is blind,
stiff and cold,
barley living in
the pitch

Digging deeper
into the earth
my breath will hide

Fearing the suns rays
raging above
my thick skin

Surviving
in the deep.

Water Scrying Message

On 11/15 I had a dream of being taken by water spirits to an underwater cavern. I took this as a sign to attempt water scrying to see if it would develop any information about my lost cat Pie.

11/16: I lit my candles, set up some water noises on my i-pod and began to focus and stare into the bowl filled with water. It took a while just to relax, but I finally saw some images of faries, crescent moons, missing eyes, even my own left eye started to go blurry (the same eye missing from my cat).

Perhaps Pie will return on a crescent moon, waxing or waning, I do not know I just hope he comes home soon.

Have you seen my kitty:
http://www.missingpetads.com/item/1299289316_pie

Fairy Cat Return Spell

I’ve been missing my cat, Pie, for nine days now. Angel was kind enough to give me a cat spell from Ellen Dugan’s book, The Enchanted Cat, so I can call to Pie magickally and hopefully bring him home soon.

The spell itself left me tingly and crying, because I really do ant my baby back in my loving arms, it also left me with a sense of calm, to the point where I didn’t feel the need to call on the Ouija board. Thank goddess because I don’t think it’s safe to work one alone.

Yes, I have done all the mundane I could do, putting up posters, calling all the local shelters in the area, posting on craigslist and http://www.missingpetads.com It was especially stressful when we thought our beloved Pie was dead, but that changed quickly because I discover that the date of disappearance for Pie and mystery cat, did not match. Also it was just too weird for Pie to have been taken to a Willow Glen clinic, about ten miles from my house. So I thank the god and goddess immensely for revealing that information to me.

Now I’m in action, but I have to do my school work. Luckily I have a lot of free time because I’ve been off work because of an injured hip and knee. I’m feeling better though, so yay, I can go back to work soon.

I feel so much better after doing the spell. I do not believe it would have felt half as good if I had not done everything mundane I could, because I would have felt a little pre-executed if I called to the gods for help before trying something on my own. I’m so thankful, I hope my baby will some home soon.

Missing Cat Update

Name: Pie
Color: Orange and White Tabby
Last Seen: Walters Ave, Campbell, CA, 10/29
Distinct Markings: He is missing a left eye.

Pie is about five years old and has been missing for days. We really miss him and have checked the shelters. One picture looked promising but they were closed on Monday and by Tuesday either killed him or set him up for adoption. We are still looking and cannot stop crying, please help us find our cat!



***UPDATE***
Four days ago, 11/3/2009, he may have been seen at the Farm Milk Dairy @ 900 San Thomas Aquino Rd, Campbell, Ca

San Jose Animal Care and Services Killed My Cat

Pie was a healthy, neutered and was missing a left eye. He was then taken to the City of San Jose Animal Care Center.

We were so relieved when we found his picture and called leaving messages and finally spoke to a real person. We gave her the information and said we would be in Tuesday to pick Pie up, but on Tuesday his website image was missing and so was Pie.
The shelter only keeps their lost animals for about four days, that is the minimum, and then they become the property of the City of San Jose. However we could not pick up Pie on Monday, his fifth day at the shelter, because they were closed.

In consequence, Pie was euthanized, despite the fact there was no way to retrieve him from the shelter on Monday and we called telling them his identification number and the fact he was our cat. Obviously, someone did not do their job, otherwise our cat would be home.

The policy gives little hope for a pet owner, especially for cats, because cats tend to wander and can be missing for a day for two. By the time you realize your cat is truly missing half your time was gone.

Then, you have to look in different shelters. Pie was not at the normal Campbell shelter, the Silicon Valley Animal Control Authority, but at the San Jose one. This was also time consuming.
Fist off, change the waiting period for lost animals to seven days, so owners can search more ground and have a change to actually find their pet.

Second, no euthanizations on days the shelter will be closed and do not count the days of closing as days of holding. If the family cannot pick up their beloved pet, then the shelter shouldn’t have the right to exterminate it.

Lastly, make the fines cheaper. It would have cost over 150$ to release Pie. It costs about 100$ for adopting a new kitten.

No wonder why people decide to abandon their animals, they cannot afford to bail them out of kitty jail.

We spoke to Staceey Dains about or detrimental situation and she attempted to blame us for Pie’s death, but it was her staff who either forgot or never bothered to write down the desperate pleas of a family for their cat’s life.

Policy needs to be changed, these shelters are supposed to be a safety net for our lost pets, not an execution chamber.